Legs

A proper London marathon has at last started in old London town consisting of pro athletes and none of those dopes running it dressed as the Queen or a f**king panda. I know they run for charity and they have my respect but please, have two marathons, one for the serious runners and one for Kermit the frog and company.

Got A Light Guv?

Look! Its fire!

The Olympic Torch arrived in Britain last night amid some bullshit pomp and ceremony (and some fat guy called Boris) and this morning looking at the news headlines, one would think we had never seen fire before in our lives. "Ooh! The Olympic Torch is to travel around the British Isles!" "Cor blimey! What a beautiful flame!" Well smack my ass with granny's slippers and call me Veronica, I couldn't give a damn! I hope it f**king rains the entire route. And I make no apologies for hoping for the worst, the Ranter has always believed this London Olympic thing to be an utter con, especially after spending so much when we are supposed to be in times of austerity. Are we sure?? It doesn't bloody look like it from my spot at the bar.
Does anyone care about the London Olympics? (Apart from politicians, athletes and the games sponsors that is). I personally don't know of anyone who gives a dodgy pint about it, especially in Wales, Ireland and Scotland. Most only think of it as a waste of time and money, and purely a London thing. To put it bluntly, the average pub drinkers have more important things on their minds like rising unemployment, cuts to local services and whether they will be able to afford to feed the children and keep a roof over their families heads. Those things kinda put this Olympic con into perspective dontcha think? Cheers!

New Year Stains!

Nurse! Bang me up another brewskie, I feel a rant coming on! So here we all are in 2012, a new year to hope for something special to tap us on the shoulder and make our life complete. We're all feeling giddy with excitement like five shots of Jagerbombs right? Wrong sunshine! For most of us it will be the same old helping of crap trifle as last year with a genorous dollop of misery cream to go with it. Plus a side order of bleurgh.
I couldn't f**king believe those thousands of chinless wonders in London last night, all whooping like demented lemons at the fireworks. (Which from what I saw through whisky smashed eyeballs looked balls). This country is very nearly screwed, we have a hundred and one things to make right and here we are celebrating a switch into another bloody midnight! So its 2012?? So f**king what? Its just a step nearer the grave my inebriate chums, nothing more. And please don't give me that nonsense about having the Olympics to look forward to. I couldn't care bastard less for the thing! Funny 'times of austerity' we are in when we can burn hundreds of thousands of pounds in a garish firework display simply to welcome in a new year, then millions more on a wanky sporting event that millions of Brits won't even bother watching. Men running (not very fast) 100 metres. Diving into swimming pools while doing yoga. Throwing spears. Jumping onto a crash mat. Oh the thrill of it all! Why I might just bust a nut any minute! Not.
Its CRAP, you know it, I know it, we ALL f**king know it unless you happen to be an olympic sportsman, which lets face it, is about 0.1% of the population. Makes me want to hurl giant spewy chunks!
Your dear Ranter hopes it will all go tits up and that snooty looking tosspot Dai Cameron is left with more egg on his weasly face than a Chinese woman at a bukkake party!
But back to the new year. So what? It could be WORSE than the sewage a lot of us swam through in 20 bastard 11!! Its all very well being all optimistic and chucking a few glances over at the bright side but year after year after year, should teach us that nothing really gets better for the majority. We remain in the same trenches, putting up with the same sh!t day after day. And what with cuts to everything from the NHS to police forces, the battle only gets tougher, not better. You are deluding yourself if you think otherwise. Why as if to back my rant up, as I type this its been announced on the news that we in Britain and Europe are facing the worst economical crisis since WW2 and things will get harder in 2012! Yah those celebrations last night seem pretty flaky now right?
Bloody politicians! promise the world but fail to deliver EVERY F**KING TIME!
Sure I got toasted last night but hey im the SHANTER, its what I do along with RANT! And I do it partly because I can the shyte around us clearly (albeit occasionaly in double vision). I KNOW we are all headed to hell in a Morrisons basket. In fact I half of my hopes that Mayan forecast where we perish in 2012 is right! Happy New Year my penis ring! Get drunk I tell you! Thats the only hope for this world! God Bless!