When I first got my Google Ashole NexFail 7 (Nexus 7 in a good mood), I thought it was teh fooking buisness. Looked smart, loved the layout of the tablet, 7inches was better than 10inches (ooer missus), and most importantly of all it let me play reto games on an App that iStore wouldnt have allowed. I loved it, it made Android cool for me, when originally I was an Apple fan.
Now though? FOOK IT UP ITS CRAPPY SPACESHIPPY THEMED PLASTIC ASS! ALL THE WAY TO OUTER FUCKEDGOLIA OR WHEREVER IT NOW FEELS LIKE IT WAS MADE! WHY THE SUDDEN HATE? I HEAR YOU SHOUT FROM BEHIND THE BOXING DAY TURKEY. IT PICKED UP THAT STUPID CHARGER FAIL BUG. BASTARDOS FROM OUTER SPACE! ITS NOT JUST ME EITHER, WHILST SEARCHING FOR A FIX ONLINE IT WOULD SEEM LOADS OF OTHERS HAVE HAD IT TOO. WHAT THE SHITTING FUUUCK?!? BIG COMPANIES SHOULD NEVER MAKE ERRORS AS MINOR AS THIS ONE!
OH IVE FOUND LOTS OF 'FIXES' ON THE WEBBY BUT NONE OF THEM HAVE HELPED MINE. C**TS! HERE'S WHAT HAPENS: PLUG NEXFUCKED CRAPLET, CHARGING LOGO THINGY SHOWS UP AS DEVICE IS CHARGING, BUT ITS BLOODY WELL NOT! IN FACT THE PIECE OF SHITE GOES DOWN IN CHARGE LEVELS!?! SWEET HEAVENLY GUBBINS FROM BETSY MAYE, THIS IS GARBAGE TO ME NOW. FROM TABLET OF ACE TO ALMOST BRICKED PAPERWEIGHT. AND WHATS WORSE, WHAT REALLY BOILS MY PISS, IS ALL MY AWESOME SHITE IS ON IT! GAMES, COMICS, BOOKS, RETRO GAMES. IM SERIOUSLY PEEING BULLETS HERE!
For the most part im a gentle, contented soul, happy to let life go on its merry way. But sometimes things happen that would test the patience of a saint (or a poet) and for these little troubles I give you Ranter the Shanter ~ Born to shant, Loves to rant! You think im cute when I get mad? Well in a minute im about to be f**king gorgeous.
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Blackberry = FAIL! Prt II
Ive ranted before and I am ranting again and if this blog puts just one person off then my job is complete. TO ANYONE THINKING OF BUYING A BLACKBERRY 'SMARTPHONE' (SMART MY ASS) DESIST! GO BUY SOMETHING ELSE! GET AN iPHONE OR AN ANDROID OR ALIEN OR WHATEVER THE F**K THEY'RE CALLED! BUT STAY CLEAR OF THE CRAPBERRY! SERIOUSLY, IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR PERIL! IT MIGHT LOOK THE CLASSIER PHONE BUT ITS LIKE DODOS; CUTE BUT THEY ARE SH!T AT FLYING. A BLOODY SHAMBLES.
THEIR SERVICE WENT DOWN UP LAST NIGHT AND TODAY THEY ARE ALL SNIVELLING APOLOGIES BUT ITS STILL NOT BACK 100% THE AZZHOLES. I MEAN WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!
I ONCE LOOKED AT THE BLACKBERRY PRODUCT AS SLICK AND COOL, AND WAS EXCITED AT THE PROSPECT OF OWNING ONE. UNTIL I DID OWN ONE, THEN SUDDENLY 'SLICK' AND 'COOL' BECAME LAME AND FRUSTRATING. AN UNRELIABLE, BOLLUX TWISTING, ABYSMAL FAILURE. AND I RUE THE B@STARD DAY! OH HOW I RUE!! I RUE LIKE A MOTHERF**KER!! AND YOU WILL TOO IF YOU ARE SUCKED IN BY THE PHONES STYLISH LOOKS. DO YOURSELVES A HUGE FAVOUR AND GO SPEND YOUR HARD EARNED POUNDS ON A DIFFERENT PHONE. YOU CAN THANK YOUR DEAR RANTER BY ME A FEW DRINKIES WITH SOME OF THE CASH YOU SAVE. MINE'S A GLENFIDDICH. EXTRA LARGE.
THEIR SERVICE WENT DOWN UP LAST NIGHT AND TODAY THEY ARE ALL SNIVELLING APOLOGIES BUT ITS STILL NOT BACK 100% THE AZZHOLES. I MEAN WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!
I ONCE LOOKED AT THE BLACKBERRY PRODUCT AS SLICK AND COOL, AND WAS EXCITED AT THE PROSPECT OF OWNING ONE. UNTIL I DID OWN ONE, THEN SUDDENLY 'SLICK' AND 'COOL' BECAME LAME AND FRUSTRATING. AN UNRELIABLE, BOLLUX TWISTING, ABYSMAL FAILURE. AND I RUE THE B@STARD DAY! OH HOW I RUE!! I RUE LIKE A MOTHERF**KER!! AND YOU WILL TOO IF YOU ARE SUCKED IN BY THE PHONES STYLISH LOOKS. DO YOURSELVES A HUGE FAVOUR AND GO SPEND YOUR HARD EARNED POUNDS ON A DIFFERENT PHONE. YOU CAN THANK YOUR DEAR RANTER BY ME A FEW DRINKIES WITH SOME OF THE CASH YOU SAVE. MINE'S A GLENFIDDICH. EXTRA LARGE.
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
The Phone That Is....
GARBAGE. Step forward the detestable Samsung GT-S3650, which not only inspires you to quit on technology altogether but also gives you the urge to headbut brick walls. I kid ye not. Oh it tries so hard to be an iPhone! It WANTS to be an iPhone! And it dresses like one, it has a touchscreen like one, but do not be fooled! A calculator made in 1985 is more of an iPhone than this piece of sh!t.
Stabbed: No less than this garbage deserves
Of course the price should tell you the obvious but in these turbulent fiscal times it is easy to be seduced by a cheaper product. I mean, if it does the same job (or similar enough job) as the real thing then who cares?
Trouble is, the Samsung GT-S3650 is dog crap. If dog crap was a mobile telephone, it would model itself on this. And what the f**k does the pretentious sounding GT-S3650 mean? Let me guess ~ Garbage Telephone - Sh!t and some random numbers? Close enough? Is the GT bit supposed to make it sound a bit like a sports car or something? (My money's on 'something.') Because allow the Ranter to make this very clear ~ if this stinking excuse for a cell phone was a car, it would be....DOG CRAP! Dog crap on wheels, with one wheel hanging off and the others stuck.
Let me point out a few of the phones let downs. (It has to only be a few otherwise we would be here all day and im sure you all have nicer, Christmassy things to be getting on with.)
The video: on the (rare) plus side the screen is nice and big, allowing for good playback. Spiffing! Trouble is this phone has less memory than a retarded goldfish so whatever it is you want to capture for prosperity (or more 'private' moments *wink*) then make sure to get it all within five minutes. This might be three minutes longer than you actually need for those private moments *wink* but lets be honest here, five minutes is pretty f**king pathetic. (Okay it can do a bit longer if needed but not much. Ive got an older phone which is able to record an HOUR of footage.)
Even tastes bland
Want to apply a personal touch with your own wallpaper? Not with this you can't, its simply too much for the frigid turd. While other phones allow the user to choose a photograph of their choice and simply set it as a wallpaper or screensaver, Samsung's little piece of plastic leprosy forces you to resize and align the photo before you do so but try as you might, YOU WILL NEVER EVER GET THE PICTURE THE WAY YOU WANT IT! I have a Welsh dragon as my wallpaper. Correction! I have the Welsh dragon's EARHOLE as my wallpaper because thats the way this mobile phone rolls. It won't let you do the simplest of things, you might as well ROLL IT UNDER A DAMN TRUCK!
Make no mistake, this is a lousy mobile telephone which apart from the decent sized screen has no redeeming features whatsover. It even struggles to go online (like it is now) and I swear its powered by steam. I could go on and on about its shortcomings but quite frankly I don't want to give it any more publicity (even bad publicity) its that bad. Plus its Christmas eve EVE and the Rants want to be dissolving into the delicious festive Shants.
I will leave you with this bit of advice ~ should you be unlucky enough to find this unholy mess in your stocking on Saturday morning SEND IT BACK FROM WHENCE IT CAME or trade it for something more useful. Like a paper nail.
Stabbed: No less than this garbage deserves
Of course the price should tell you the obvious but in these turbulent fiscal times it is easy to be seduced by a cheaper product. I mean, if it does the same job (or similar enough job) as the real thing then who cares?
Trouble is, the Samsung GT-S3650 is dog crap. If dog crap was a mobile telephone, it would model itself on this. And what the f**k does the pretentious sounding GT-S3650 mean? Let me guess ~ Garbage Telephone - Sh!t and some random numbers? Close enough? Is the GT bit supposed to make it sound a bit like a sports car or something? (My money's on 'something.') Because allow the Ranter to make this very clear ~ if this stinking excuse for a cell phone was a car, it would be....DOG CRAP! Dog crap on wheels, with one wheel hanging off and the others stuck.
Let me point out a few of the phones let downs. (It has to only be a few otherwise we would be here all day and im sure you all have nicer, Christmassy things to be getting on with.)
The video: on the (rare) plus side the screen is nice and big, allowing for good playback. Spiffing! Trouble is this phone has less memory than a retarded goldfish so whatever it is you want to capture for prosperity (or more 'private' moments *wink*) then make sure to get it all within five minutes. This might be three minutes longer than you actually need for those private moments *wink* but lets be honest here, five minutes is pretty f**king pathetic. (Okay it can do a bit longer if needed but not much. Ive got an older phone which is able to record an HOUR of footage.)
Even tastes blandWant to apply a personal touch with your own wallpaper? Not with this you can't, its simply too much for the frigid turd. While other phones allow the user to choose a photograph of their choice and simply set it as a wallpaper or screensaver, Samsung's little piece of plastic leprosy forces you to resize and align the photo before you do so but try as you might, YOU WILL NEVER EVER GET THE PICTURE THE WAY YOU WANT IT! I have a Welsh dragon as my wallpaper. Correction! I have the Welsh dragon's EARHOLE as my wallpaper because thats the way this mobile phone rolls. It won't let you do the simplest of things, you might as well ROLL IT UNDER A DAMN TRUCK!
Make no mistake, this is a lousy mobile telephone which apart from the decent sized screen has no redeeming features whatsover. It even struggles to go online (like it is now) and I swear its powered by steam. I could go on and on about its shortcomings but quite frankly I don't want to give it any more publicity (even bad publicity) its that bad. Plus its Christmas eve EVE and the Rants want to be dissolving into the delicious festive Shants.
I will leave you with this bit of advice ~ should you be unlucky enough to find this unholy mess in your stocking on Saturday morning SEND IT BACK FROM WHENCE IT CAME or trade it for something more useful. Like a paper nail.
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