My Ears Shrivelled and Died like a Wasted Mongrel

Damned radio Carmarthenshire and crappy chart music. Id never heard of Cher Lloyd until earlier when they played her 'song'. NEIN! NEIN! MY POOR EARS! ITS JUST 'OH MY DARLING, CLEMENTINE' SUNG BY A TOOL WITH AN ANNOYING VOICE! I DREAD TO THINK WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. ANYTHING LIKE THE AMERICAN CHER? F**K THAT ALMOST SOBERED ME UP. IS THIS WHAT PASSES AS 'MUSIC' THESE DAYS? IM GLAD I ONLY LISTEN TO LOCAL RADIO WHEN IM IN THE RANTERMOBILE. DUW DUW WHAT A LOAD OF BULL TESTICLES.


And earache for all

AND MOST YOUNG 'UNS HAVE NEITHER THE WIT OR WISDOM TO LISTEN TO THE OLD CLASSIC STUFF, SO THEY DON'T REALISE THEY'RE NOT HEARING ANYTHING ORIGINAL, AND ARE SHAKING THEIR SCRAWNY ASSES TO COPY AND PASTE MUSIC. AH WELL THEIR LOSS THE DIZZY MOPES. NURSE! PINT OF ZINFANDEL IF YOU PLEASE.

I Hate Cardboard!

A Pain in the Cardboard Ass

When the humble compact disc first emerged sometime in 1988, they always had (or mine did)solid plastic cases which protected the disc, held the artwork/sleeve stuff in place and more importantly fitted perfectly into the spaces in cd shelves. You know the type I mean, specially made cd racks. Life was good.
SO WHAT IN THE NAME OF LEMMY KILMISTER IS UP WITH THESE CARDBOARD CD COVERS WE GET WITH SOME ALBUMS THESE DAYS? THEY ARE F**KING TERRIBLE!! THEY CREASE, THEY BEND, THEY TEAR AND THEY DONT B@STARD FIT IN THE BLOODY CD RACKS!!
ONE OF THE GREATEST BANDS IN THE WORLD, AC/DC, ARE ONE OF THE MAIN CULPRITS. WHENEVER I SEE ONE OF THEIR ALBUMS ITS IN ONE OF THESE FLIMSY PAPERY CASES. SORT IT OUT EH GUYS? EVEN THE MIGHTY RAMMSTEIN HAVE BEEN AT IT LATELY. GEBEN SIE MIR STARKE! SUCH POWERFUL MUSIC NEEDS MORE THAN CARD TO SHEATHE IT.
IS IT THE BANDS FAULT? I THINK NOT. I BET ITS THE IDEA OF THE MUSIC COMPANY TO MAKE PACKAGING CHEAPER. OR MAKE IT MORE 'ECO FRIENDLY'. BOLLOX SEZ I! PASS THE RUM.

I Found Wally!

So some guy who calls himself 50 Cent (CRAP NAME BY THE WAY) has been mocking Japan's earthquake victims on Twitter. What a man eh? What a great guy! WHAT A F**KING PRIZE CHUMP!! SERIOUSLY THIS WALLY NEEDS TO BE TAKEN OUT TO THE COURTYARD AND FLOGGED SAUDI STYLE. PATHETIC ODIOUS WORM THAT HE IS!
Im not going to repeat what he said but he later wrote: "Some of my tweets are for shock value. Hate it or love it. I'm cool."
COOL?! EXCUSE ME, DID WE JUST HAVE RETARD LASAGNE FOR DINNER? YOU WOULDN'T RECOGNISE COOL IF IT WALKED UP TO YOUR UGLY ASS AND SAID, 'HI IM MR COOL.' BUT MR COOL WOULDN'T INTRODUCE HIMSELF TO YOU BECAUSE YOU...ARE NOT.

Clap hands fool

Hundreds of people have DIED you toad! And countless others have had their lives RUINED in this disaster. But you don't give a sh!t do you Mr Cent? You live in some vile ivory palace trying to pass yourself off as some kind of 'king' with nasty assed jewelery, making puke inducing sounds. (I won't call it music or creating as you do neither you clown.)
And what is sadder is some of your fans (they must be deaf) will support you by saying garbage like, 'he's only being controversial, he's a rapper, thats what they do.'
NO! WHAT THIS TURD IS IS A MORON OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. IVE GOT A PRETTY DARK SENSE OF HUMOUR BUT EVEN I WOULDN'T GO HERE. I DON'T CARE A FIG ABOUT 'SHOCK VALUE' OR ANYTHING ELSE THIS FOOL SPOUTS. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO CAUSE SHOCK AND OUTRAGE. THIS WAS A CHEAP SHOT, NOT CLEVER AT ALL.
Now seeing as I hadn't taken any interest in this monkey I did some research on Mr Cent. It seems you are all about the money. You think money elevates your status in some warped way. Well good, hope you are happy with it because you will NEVER HAVE THE TRULY GREAT THINGS LIKE HONOUR, DIGNITY, HONESTY AND DECENCY. NOW CRAWL BACK INTO YOU BLINGED UP HOLE AND DIE.
Oh and rap music F**KING SUCKS.

P.S. Nate Dogg has died today who I believe was a friend of the Cent. WHO IS LAUGHING NOW FUN BOY?

I Offer Thee My Service....

The Ranter cannot take hearing of any more RUBBISH names for bands. Day after day of advertising local gigs through another alter ego elsewhere on the web have finally snapped me like a cocktail stick left in rum too long. I find it hard to believe that many successful bands have God awful names because I am of the opinion that the bands name is paramount to contributing to its success.
Still, if musicians heed this blog the sh!tty names could be a thing of the past. (But dont hold your breath.) You see dear inebriate, besides from RANTING and SHANTING (shanting by the way is West Wales slang for drinking) I am also a poet, writer, playwright and dabbling photographer. Im a pretty creative guy when I put my well toned ass in gear so im offering my services to any budding Motley Crue or Cannibal Corpse out there, COME TO YOUR RANTER AND I WILL BLESS THEE WITH A BAND NAME WORTHY TO FILL THE MILLENNIUM STADIUM IN CARDIFF !!
Seriously. During quiet moments of composing great poems I often conjure up cool names for non existent bands. Be a pity to waste them. (And believe me, they ARE very good.) So drop the Ranter a line, it will only cost you a few Jagerbombs. See you at the stadium!