Give Me Gin Over Religion This Christmas

You know what I hate about the Christmas period? The self righteous, attempting to ram Christianity down everybodys throats. 'Oh the REAL reason for Christmas is Jesus!' They wail. 'Not buying gifts and drinking yourself into oblivion.' Well f**k me, what were the three wise men doing in the stable then? Looking for a curry house? And as for drinking myself into oblivion then SO WHAT? Its a birthday celebration isn't it? Getting shanted up is what I do on birthdays so go play with your hymn book and leave me with mine. (Rugby hymns.)
Ive seen the ecards doing the rounds on places like Facebook, spouting things like 'Jesus Is The Reason For This Season.' Yes, its the Lads birthday, thats why im getting so AMAZINGLY DRUNK.
Also im not feeling too 'religious' (whatever that means) this year. You see, it will be my daughters first Christmas and I want everything to be magical. Only it won't be magical because it will also be my mothers third Christmas being DEAD. There will be a huge black scab over the festivities knowing that my mother did not share this first Christmas with her third Grandaughter. I know she's looking over us all but I wanted more than that. We don't always get what we want of course so the black scab will have to do but I don't really feel like thanking God for that so i'll skip the religious side of things thank you very much.
So im sticking to gluttony and loot this year and the sanctimonious pewheads (my new word for church goers) had better give me a wide berth. Thinking about it, spending the holidays doing it my way will be a lot more honest than how that motley bunch will be spending it. They preach against commercial gimmicks and stunts on Jesus' birthday, not realising what ghastly hypocrites they are. So there won't be an abundance of gifts and food at their houses eh? No parties or Christmas television specials? None of that eh? WHAT UTTER LIES.