Okay so I have tried. Today for lunch I prepared a healthy salady meal that included a jacket spud, celery, sweetcorn, tomato and spring onion. I even avoided smothering the lot in salt and coleslaw, which is what I usually do with stuff like this to give it some kind of flavour. And as I sat before my plate trying to summon up enough interest to dig in, I must admit dear reader that it did look awfully nice what with all the yellow, red and green colours before me, promising a tasty treat. I felt a zen~like calm flow over my Jagermeister encrusted soul.
Then the f**king thing broke. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WANTS TO EAT THIS CRAP REGULARLY? BESIDES NOT HAVING ENOUGH SUBSTANCE TO FILL A HAMSTER THIS POXY SALAD STUFF IS F**KING HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH! 'HEALTHY EATING' EL OH F**KING EL AS THE INTERNET SAYS. I NEARLY CHOKED TWICE ON THE SWEETCORN ALONE AND IM CERTAIN THAT STRINGY CELERY CRAP IS GOING TO KNOT IN MY COLON SOON. THE BLOODY PLATE WAS A MINEFIELD I TELL YOU. NEVER AGAIN!
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY THAT BOOOZE AFFORDS, COURAGE TO AVOID SOBRIETY AND WISDOM TO AVOID VEGETABLES. AMEN.
For the most part im a gentle, contented soul, happy to let life go on its merry way. But sometimes things happen that would test the patience of a saint (or a poet) and for these little troubles I give you Ranter the Shanter ~ Born to shant, Loves to rant! You think im cute when I get mad? Well in a minute im about to be f**king gorgeous.
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