Snow Joke

Okay before I start dock me a few credibility points for using such an ovious tabloid-alike headline. What can I say? Its freezing cold, my brain has been numbed and ive not touched a drop of the good stuff for three days so the cogs are not 'cogging' in full gear.
So anyway, snow has fallen all over West Wales (and other parts of Britain too) and forecasters predict its going to be around for ten days or so, bringing blizzards and other frosty delights with it. Namely traffic chaos.

Best fetch the sleeping bags

The white stuff only arrived 10am yesterday morning and by 11:30 I was stuck in a two hour gridlocked mess. RAGE! Crazy how a little bit of snow can bring a county to its knees. And of course not just my county but everywhere! Snow can paralyse Britain at will it would seem.
Theres seldom enough gritters on the roads but on the other, more dangerous hand, we have plenty of foolish, impatient motorists who think they're invincible and invariably end up in a hedge or in the back of a ten ton truck. (And I must admit I CHEER when they do. Plebs.)
Why is it other countries fare better? And don't give me the 'we dont get bad weather her often' excuse. Those Ice Road Truckers seem to keep on truckin'. Why the hell can't we?

Willy Wonka's Scarytale Wedding

Ive purposely kept quiet about next years royal wedding because in a rare moment of peace I decided that if I hadn't anything good to say then I should just shut up. But thats not what Ranter the Shanter is about. I dont want no stinking peace! I want to rant! I want to shant! And a recent story regarding this poncy wedding between a woman who looks like a bloke in drag and a guy who resembles a cricket bat has fired the ranter to rant!
The story goes that 100 'golden tickets' will be made available (presumably via a lucky dip) so that a hundred 'normal people' can rub shoulders with the hoi polloi. Am I the only person who thinks this is downright offensive? Its like whoever came up with this idea thought, *Adopts Posh Voice* 'I know! Lets make Will and Cath seem down to earth and give the chance for some commoners to attend the gig.' Cue a load of horsey snorts in agreement whilst thinking to themselves, 'yes yes, those below stairs need a day in the sun with us fine people.'
That was EXACTLY the thought I had upon reading this piece of 'news'. Not 'oh what a wonderful idea' or 'three cheers, God bless ya Guv'nor!' I just thought it was pretty horrid. A downright sickly gimmick.
At the end of the day I don't know the couple and if they're happy, good luck to them. Everybody deserves a loving partner I suppose. But I want nothing to do with it and stupid stunts like this only serve to make me want to spew pretty shades of bile. Ditto to the planned street parties. I didn't attend a street party when his late mother was married (I locked myself in the bedroom) and I will be doing the same next year. (Only this time im old enough for scotch to keep me company.)
Now unless some other stupid idea is formed, you dear reader will not hear me comment on this foul affair any more.

Britain In Need

So once again Children In Need rolls around, dragging Z list 'celebrities' along with it in order to grab as much cash as possible from you. (I wonder how much of their appearance fee goes to the charity? Hmm?) Its been going on since forever and has become a kind of start to the countdown for Christmas.
Well I want no part of it and if this makes me a Scrooge figure then fine, I'll take it, it matters not. I find it particularly galling this year to be asked to dig deep, when most of the country is on its ass due to government cuts everywhere we turn. How dare the BBC (yes its that foul corporation again) demand money from us in return for paper thin 'entertainment' from people who were it not for Simon Cowell would struggle to sell out a toilet.
I give plenty of cash throughout the year without being into this sickly mess. Hell if the BBC really want to help children in need then why don't they donate £10 from everyones TV licence fee to charity? Eh? Why not do that intead? They'd get far more money because we're FORCED to pay that. At least I wouldn't have to look at that stupid Pudsey bear then. Greedy, sickening people.
So don't go looking at me for money, we ALL need money the way this country is being flushed down the toilet. Sorry but due to being strongarmed to fork out for television licences and being taxed out the backside then I have no money to spare so take those no mark singers and that foul teddy bear and f**k off. Now.

Rudolph The Well Done Kebab

In the news tonight something which has sent my blood pressure SOARING through the roof. It seems supermarket chain Lidl has come under fire for selling reindeer steaks in the run-up to Christmas. The German store has introduced the £5.99 steaks along with other "luxury cuisine" such as pheasant, venison and springbok.
And of course idiot animal rights charity PETA have the led the charge against the supermarket saying its 'revolting.'
Please PETA, and all you other self serving, lily livered PRATS, do me (and the sensible people in the world) a favour and F**K OFF! If I want to eat reindeer, pheasant or bloody minced dog, then I WILL and none of your holier-than-thou-animals-are-equal crap is going to stop me. In fact it will only serve to make me even more DETERMINED to try these succulent morsels and flick the bones in your direction.
How dare these poncy organisations try to tell me what I can and can not eat. Pity the store wasn't offering fried dog chops and cats liver because they'd be on my menu too.
What the hells the difference between turkey and reindeer? Both in plentiful supply, get 'em on the stove. And believe it or not I am an animal lover, just because I eat meat is neither here nor there. Could the same man who cries uncontrollably over a dying hedgehog, also fry a pig? Of course they could. I am in wonder how some could think otherwise.
I am quite bored of turkey by now, and usually dine on goose at Christmas, but after reading PETA's objection to deer meat, I will now have another animal on the table this Yuletide. In fact I will have three or four and think of PETA while I raise a glass in one hand and Rudolph's leg in the other.

Beep Beep Cee

Its the big fight this weekend, boxing heavyweight championship of the world and the funny thing is its between two Brits, Haye v Harrison. Im betting Haye drops Audrey (yes AUDREY) in the 3rd. Sad thing is its meant to be a WORLD TITLE yet the BBC didn't even put a bid in to show it live. Makes me wonder: where does my f**king licence money go??
Ah yes the licence. 'Whats that?' I hear my American readers ask incredulously. Allow me to share; we here in jolly old Britain (but not exclusive to us) must pay annually for the right to watch television by having a television licence, or broadcast receiver licence as its also known. The charge? A snip at £145.50p. (The vasectomy kind of snip without anaesthesia.)
This sad state of affairs began in the early days of broadcasting when broadcasters were at a loss on how to fund their services. A few countries went the advertising route (good idea) but others adopted compulsory subscription crap, with the subscription coming in the iron fist form of the broadcast licence paid by mugs, sorry households owning either a radio or TV.
Britain was the first country to adopt the compulsory public subscription crap with the licence fee money (think mob protection) going to the BBC. Now im a fair man, I understand the begining of broadcasting needed money to fire up its engines but BLUDDY HELL ! Are we STILL willing to allow ourselves to be squeezed like lemons for every silver crown so that the Beeb can continue to pay its entertainers over the odds for (ever increasing) stale rubbish? We really are clowns to stand for it.
Why cant we follow countries like Australia and Portugal (amongst others) and ABOLISH the damned thing? And what about places like America, Canada and Hong Kong who never had a television licence?
The BBC has had control of this licence scam (and it IS) for too long now. I get the feeling it thinks its entitled to the fee purely because it was at the forefront of broadcasting. Well NO 'auntie' you are not, so get your dirty hands OUT of the publics pockets. You dont even make decent television anymore. I don't watch BBC.
I will say it again louder, I DO NOT WATCH THE BBC! So why the fudge am I being forced to pay for it? Its a horrible word FORCED but its what is happening. FORCED and robbed.
Other people whine about the high price of Sky TV but thats optional. Nobody HAS to get a Sky package whereas everyone must pay for regular television thanks to the Beeb. Why do we put up with it? Why? What everyone ought to do is scrap television until the damned thing is FREE. It wouldn't take long.
And who knows? While we're not zoned in to the tube, we might create some fantastic new masterpiece. Look at what Shakespeare and the Romantic poets did without television. But I digress.
I (along with the rest of the nation) am fed up with the licence fee and its high time we stopped allowing ourselves to be mugged. And getting threatened if we complain about the mugging. (TV detector vans are nothing more than official thugs reinforcing an iron rule.) We should switch OFF, at least until we are given the CHOICE to pay for a BBC package. Whats Auntie so worried about? Afraid nobody would choose their crappy channel and what it offers. Or not offers.

Heroes Outshine The Whiners

Today we stop to honour Rememberance Day, or Armistice Day. Veterans Day to Americans. But no matter what we call it, the thoughts behind it are the same. We remember those brave men and women who have served, and are serving, in conflicts throughout the world. Both past and present. The souls who have given, and are still giving, their lives for our freedom.
It is observed on this date (11 November) to recall the official end of World War I on that date in 1918, after hostilities of the first World War formally ended 'at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month' of 1918.
And how well people remember. Shops, streets, pubs, car parks, in fact most public places, all halted what they were doing at 11am tp stand in 2 minures silence. Even radios took part to honour the brave. It is an emotional thing to see and be part of, with a cocktail of feelings surging through ones frame; pride, sadness, anger, frustration, hope.
I can honestly say that Rememberance Day is the only time I feel 'at one' with my fellow Brits. During those two minutes silence I feel my trust in humanity come flooding back as if the missing part of my spirit suddenly found my body once more. It really is a special moment. (Sadly its a fleeting surge of hope because come the 12th im back feeling nothing but drudgery and dismay at the UK.)
Rewind to just one day to November 10th however and the ugly, more accurate face of this country emerges. Thousands of students (admittedly not my most favourite of people) rampaged in spots of london to protest against increases in university fees. Now had these oafs held a peaceful demonstation to show their annoyance in a civil manner, I would have no problem. Everyone has the right to protest in a free country afterall.
Charging around, hurling bricks and bottles, smashing windows and generally behaving like Cro-Magnon man is quite frankly where you lose my support. Sure there were elements of the rent-a-riot crew involved (people who will jump on any cause purely for a chance to create mayhem) but it couldn't have been all down to them. I can well imagine a house full of students getting blotto on snakebites and deciding it would be fun to don V For Vigilante masks to liven the protest up a bit.
This is where character shines through and the public is able to see true colours. The British military are not the best equipped army in the world and there are areas where life in the forces could be improved upon but you don't see our soldiers taking to the streets and stoving in windows. They simply get on with it and go off to do their duty, with death hounding them at every step.
We ought send those students caught up in the protest clashes over to Helmand to see if they could put that agression to some use. That would have them scuttling home to mummy with their spliffs between their pansy legs.
It has certainly been an interesting last few days to stand back and observe. To watch, sniff the air and take notes on the mankinds great balancing act. Great thinkers might come from the halls of academia but without people who are prepared to lay down their life in defence of the country then universities might as well be as empty as our castle's dungeons.

The Weight Of Ink

Why do people think getting a tattoo hurts? While in fear of this sounding like a Monty Python sketch, tattoos DO NOT hurt; its only a flesh wound, that feels like a vigourous scratching session. Surely everybody has had (and taken pleasure from) one of those? Good grief, listening to some prattle on and on (and on ad finitum) about how getting inked is SOOOO painful is like listening to a description of crucifixtion.
'Ooh the needle went deep!' Or 'I bled for like 4 days straight,' are some of the war stories I hear. Its the Falklands or Vietnam revisited. Drama queens.


Argghh! They almost cut my arm off!

Can I just honestly state that in my opinion they are pretty painless affairs. Like being hit about the skull with cotton wool. Ok maybe not THAT painless but its no call for hysterics. In my view ~ currently I have 21 tatts ~ its more uncomfortable than agony. More a dull thud than viscous sting. I often found myself chatting away to my tattooist while getting inked, oblivious to the supposed 'pain'. Oh and im not trying to play the 'He Man' type here because if I wanted to do that then all I would need to do is turn it on its head and say that tattoos are VERY painful but I still went ahead with getting over twenty on my body. So no, this is no macho rant to try and make me sound 'hard' or 'cool'.
No doubt it does put fear into some but might not a contributing factor be the noise of the machine driving the needle? It sounds like an infernal dentist at work and as the majority of us hate going to get our teeth treated, the buzzing sound does unsettle a few of the more timid souls.
That must be it then. For certainly that tiny needle making koi fish and reaper paterns on your *insert body part here* couldn't be it. Could it?

EU Blues

First it was bananas (or was it cucumber?) then came weights and measures, and now the European Union is interfering with our prison system by forcing us to allow inmates the right to vote. Poxy Maastricht Treaty. It was a sorry day the UK decided it would be a good idea to be a part of it.
Having a quick glance at the website reveals that the EU is committed to regional intergration. Well isn't that fine and dandy? The problem is its NOT! Don't get me wrong, I love the different cultures and cuisines that countries in Europe have to offer, but I don't wish to become a part of it. Im not interested in the USE (United States of Europe) because it strips us of character and individuality which in the end will spell disaster. There will be no different cultures, laws, etc and the whole of Europe will turn into one big, bland club (no doubt smelling of garlic and cheese.)
And don't forget, the EU refuses to respect the views of a nation. Remember when Ireland said No to the Nice Treaty in 2001? That was not the decision the European Union wanted to hear so the Irish were forced to hold a second referendum on the Lisbon European Union Treaty in order to arrive at the 'right' decision. Right for who? Not the Irish, their answer was NO.

Oops ~ my lighter slipped

So the Irish were forced to rethink, as every country under this vile umbrella must do. It must be their way or no way. For example the death penalty? Nope sorry, entry into the EU is refused because executions are too barbaric. We should execute a Frenchman and get ourselves kicked out. Britain recently supplied the necessary drugs for Arizona to perform a lethal injection. I was hoping that would have got us blackballed but sadly no.
I don't want to be ruled by a European Union (and im not alone) because not only do I disagree with a lot of the thinking and ideas but I also distrust it completely. Like I said, I love Europe and what the different countries have to offer but I do NOT want 'regional intergration'. Being as 'one' with each other means being like robots, all doing the same thing like automatons. Hardly fertile ground for creativity. A terrible state to be in.
And thats exactly what EU will be; a terrible state.