Nexus 7 BallAche

When I first got my Google Ashole NexFail 7 (Nexus 7 in a good mood), I thought it was teh fooking buisness. Looked smart, loved the layout of the tablet, 7inches was better than 10inches (ooer missus), and most importantly of all it let me play reto games on an App that iStore wouldnt have allowed. I loved it, it made Android cool for me, when originally I was an Apple fan.
Now though? FOOK IT UP ITS CRAPPY SPACESHIPPY THEMED PLASTIC ASS! ALL THE WAY TO OUTER FUCKEDGOLIA OR WHEREVER IT NOW FEELS LIKE IT WAS MADE! WHY THE SUDDEN HATE? I HEAR YOU SHOUT FROM BEHIND THE BOXING DAY TURKEY. IT PICKED UP THAT STUPID CHARGER FAIL BUG. BASTARDOS FROM OUTER SPACE! ITS NOT JUST ME EITHER, WHILST SEARCHING FOR A FIX ONLINE IT WOULD SEEM LOADS OF OTHERS HAVE HAD IT TOO. WHAT THE SHITTING FUUUCK?!? BIG COMPANIES SHOULD NEVER MAKE ERRORS AS MINOR AS THIS ONE!
OH IVE FOUND LOTS OF 'FIXES' ON THE WEBBY BUT NONE OF THEM HAVE HELPED MINE. C**TS! HERE'S WHAT HAPENS: PLUG NEXFUCKED CRAPLET, CHARGING LOGO THINGY SHOWS UP AS DEVICE IS CHARGING, BUT ITS BLOODY WELL NOT! IN FACT THE PIECE OF SHITE GOES DOWN IN CHARGE LEVELS!?! SWEET HEAVENLY GUBBINS FROM BETSY MAYE, THIS IS GARBAGE TO ME NOW. FROM TABLET OF ACE TO ALMOST BRICKED PAPERWEIGHT. AND WHATS WORSE, WHAT REALLY BOILS MY PISS, IS ALL MY AWESOME SHITE IS ON IT! GAMES, COMICS, BOOKS, RETRO GAMES. IM SERIOUSLY PEEING BULLETS HERE!

OcrisHip

"Despite its ban on the trade in whale products, the EU has been allowing ships with whale meat to pass through its ports. We can help!"
I say, do you feel the same way about chickens? Im personally horrified by the millions of chickens killed for meat every day. Or arnng? meat is meat is meat so don't come it with me son. Meat eaters are ALL the same whether its dog or pork

Face Of An Angel

I don't know why Amanda Knox inspires so much interest! HOLLYCRUD MAKING A MOVIE? CALLING IT THE "FACE OF AN ANGEL"????
ARE YE ALL MAD??(DONT ANSWER THAT *LAUGHS*) MEREDITH IS THE ONLY ANGEL IN THIS TRAGIC STORY. AND TO EVEN TRY TO MAKE ANYONE ELSE OUT AS 'ANGELIC' IS QUITE FRANKLY F**KING OBSCENE! JUSTICE GONE TO HELL! WHAT AN INSULT TO MEREDITH AND HER POOR FAMILY! SHAME ON THEM!
AND AS FOR FOXY KNOXY, GUILTY OR NOT HER BEHAVIOR AT THE TIME CONTRIBUTED TO THE FARCICAL INVESTIGATION, AND IN MY OPINION SHE LOOKS TO BE A VERY COLD, CALCULATING WOMAN. HER 'QUIETNESS' IS SINISTER!

MEREDITH IS THE ONLY ANGEL IN THIS TRAGIC STORY!

MEREDITH IS THE ONLY ANGEL IN THIS TRAGIC STORY!

Slug-Mother Freed

Baby Peter: The world FAILED you

According to media reports (and its being confirmed as I type this), Baby P's scum-mother, has been released from prison. This is a woman who allowed her young son be tortured to death by her evil boyfriend and his equally twisted brother.

I HEREBY RENAME THIS ONCE GREAT ISLE, JOKE BRITAIN, WHERE ONLY CRIMINALS AND CROOKED POLITICIANS WIN! THE DECENT, HARD WORKING AMONG US ARE LEFT TO FESTER, AND WATCH OPEN MOUTHED AND SEETHING AS TIME AND TIME AGAIN, THE SICK AND THE LAWLESS TRIUMPH. WOE IS US! DECENCY STANDS FOR NOTHING THESE DAYS, LITTLE WONDER TO ME THAT HOPE IS DWINDLING! GOOD PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN SICK TO THE BACK TEETH OF SICKO CRIMINALS WINNING AT EVERY TURN! WHAT GOOD IS HONESTY IF ITS NEVER REWARDED?
THIS VILE PIG-WOMAN SERVED AROUND THREE YEARS FOR HER PART IN THE DEATH OF HER SON. THREE F**KING YEARS!?! FOR BEING INVOLVED IN THE MURDER OF A CHILD! YOU GET A HEAVIER SENTENCE FOR MUCH LESSER CRIMES IN THIS COUNTRY! I DESPAIR, I REALLY BLOODY DO. AND TO RUB SALT INTO ALREADY RAW WOUNDS, THIS WRETCHED SLUG-BITCH WANTS TO FIGHT FOR HER RIGHT TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN! WHAT IN THE UNHOLY F**KNESS??! THE EUROPEAN COURTS WILL LISTEN TO HER ARGUMENTS TOO! OH AND THE SACKED CHILD PROTECTION BOSS WHOSE DEPARTMENT FAILED BABY PETER IS SET TO RECEIVE £700,000 FOR UNFAIR DISMISSAL!!?
WHERE IS THIS MADNESS GOING TO END? I SHUDDER TO THINK. ALL FAITH IN ANYTHING GOOD HAS GONE, DISAPPEARED DOWN A SEWER, FLUSHED BY POLTICAL CORRECTNESS AND LIBERAL MILK MINDED IDEAS. TWITS. I HOPE THEY ARE PLEASED WITH THEIR DIM F**KERY.
SO ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM CONNELLY, YOU TWISTED BAG OF SHITE. CARRY ON WITH YOUR LIFE AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. NO BLAME LIES AT YOUR DOOR, YOU ARE A VICTIM ALSO. OR THIS IS WHAT THE DO-GOODER, YOGHURT KNITTERS WOULD HAVE US ALL BELIEVE. RANCID PESTS! IN A PERFECT WORLD YOU WOULD BE HANGING YOUR HEADS IN UTTER SHAME. AND CONNELLY AND HER EVIL CRONIES, HANGING FROM THE nearest GALLOWS.
GOOD DAY, PASS THE GIN, AND MAKE IT STRONG!

The Shame Factor

I would never watch it because im not a simpleton but as some presenter just said on LBC radio, its come to something, when a show like X Factor has to rely on a near naked retarded singer to get more viewers. Do you realise how desperate its all become? And the ones on my friends 'social media' list who watch this turgid mess: whats wrong with you? Give thyselves a good hard slap from your dear Ranter. By golly you need one.
Its FU**ING GARBAGE. Every 'singer' who wins is forgotten within 6 months. You will never find a Bowie or Jagger on that show. So its a waste of time. Only idiots waste their time.
Still, I suppose its better than letting you play with sharp objects.

Two Tons of Scum

Daniel Pelka. God rest your wee soul. A four years old lad who was systematically starved under the noses of his teachers and health professionals. AND BY F**K HIS WASTER PARENTS BETTER GET A WHOLE LIFE SENTENCE LATER FOR HIS ABUSE AND MURDER. VILE SCUM. AND EVEN IF BRITAIN STILL HANGED CRIMINALS, I WOULDN'T WANT THIS PAIR OF EVIL C**TS GETTING IT. WHY? FAR TOO EASY, ONCE DEAD YOUR SUFFERING IS OVER AND I WANT THESE TWO SUFFERING GREATLY EVERY DAY FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. LIVING IN FEAR FROM OTHER INMATES, WHO DESPITE OF SEGREGATION CAN STILL BE GOT AT, NEVER WORRY ABOUT THAT.
IM RAGING OVER THIS! EVERYONE IT SEEMS FAILED POOR DANIEL, TEACHERS, SOCIAL WORKERS, EVERYONE. LEFT AT THE MERCY OF EVIL PEOPLE WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS PROTECTORS BUT INSTEAD MADE HIS SHORT LIFE A LIVING HELL. THAT POOR BOY AND MAY EVERYONE WHO FAILED HIM BE SHREDDED BY GUILT FROM NOW UNTIL DOOMSDAY, THE WRETCHED F**KERS!

HRH Shidbert Fandangle

Hallo hallo, what? Hic! I was going to give this a giant messy miss but whaddaya know? F**k it, ima join in and predict this new Royal sprogs name. Im not interested in the slightest, just bored outta my razz'd skull and I reckon these names ive come up with are really rather ACE, so here goes...NURSE *Pours Drink*

1. Shidbert Fandangle

2. Blootie Gurten Thamcunster III

3. Heyho Giddenthink Funjafix

4. Sheik Alleh Alleh MacBastuud

5. Shadonay Graspafit Le Spinkwaddle

6. Walter Curmidgeon

7. Kenklehawke Spudtwanger Jones

8. Fudday Pinkspitt Helsunka Proone

9. Gretchen Cocklewacker

10. Sally Moses DeMumps

11. Flintlock Alabasta Fannaybaster

12. Doggshuten Makrogunk

Well? What dost thou thinkest my crib full of kitty cats?

Medal Of Nukem!

Knoxed Out!

That's HOT!

Having been there I didn't see anything in Europe that I would care to see again." ROLLING EYEBALLS

When I hear garbage like this, I KNOW STRAIGHT AWAY THAT THE AUTHOR IS AN IMBECILE AND TROLL, AND A LIAR! YOU OUGHT TO HAVE KEPT YER PENCIL SHEATHED YOU INFINITE PRANNET! The wonderful sprawls of Greece. Venice. Swiss Alps. Handsome Stratford Upon Avon, home of Shakespeare! The breathtaking wild coast of Wales. The history! Methinks you have not thought this through!
And nice though it is, America has NOTHING to compare with Europe and Great Britain's two thousand plus years of history. For f**ks sake, Italy was civilized while most of the rest of us here were praying to ale and using cabbage for money!
YOU WANT NOT TO TRAVEL HERE? BELIEVE ME, ITS JOLLY WELL FINE BY US!

Gideon the Gid

So Gideon Osborne has vowed to help people "work hard and get on" on this Budget day?

Hmmm...let us look at this Governments record shall we? NURSE! A LARGE ONE IF YOU'D BE SO KIND, IMA GONNA NEED IT!
In Blighty we have more poor people than ever before, and those who are lucky enough to find themselves working, their rights are almost non existant. Disabled folks (and not lead swingers, the GENUINE disabled) are forced to go back to what few jobs are left, owing to this foul and unfair French company ATOS (who probably cost taxpayers a fortune through courts in upheld appeals.) Highstreet stores, pubs etc closing like the Billy~O. Thousands of people in utter despair with higher utility bills, fuel, food prices, higher VAT. A struggling NHS. Food banks popping up everywhere. Heaven's to Johnnie Walker, even illegal immigrants are seemingly eager to get off this island because they are better off in third world countries!
Osborne helps us to 'get on'? Yup he certainly does ~ on the dole, debt, the rubbish heap and the endless housing lists. The Chancellor has made it 'cheaper' to drown our sorrow though by promising to scrap a 6p rise on a pint of shant. Yippee! I guess.
So does the Ranter have any ideas to solve this pickle? Well I can only suggest what almost everyone else is suggesting (besides the Government of course) and that is ~ Reduce foreign aid. Stop benefits to immigrants until they've lived here for 3 years and paid into the system for at least 2. Reduce benefits to the unemployed so that it truly does pay to graft. Oh and encourage business owners to invest in Great Britain, not scarper like startled fawns. I would also suggest we return to more Victorian type prisons, without hotel like-services as we seem to be spunking millions of quids in making lives more comfortable for those who DO NOT deserve it!
Blimey this coalition government has to be the WORST government history! A triple dip recession, our AAA rating gone, zero growth, the poorest hurt most, and more f*cking U turns than a B&Q shelf of sink stuff. Oh and our press tossed to the dogs for good measure! What a bally bellsended SHAMBLES to be in, I despair I really do. Its only the shant keeping me sane im telling ya!

And as a side note: As easy as it is for Labour to keep bitchingabout the Tories, don't forget that it was THEM that got us into this shambles. THEY who opened the flood gates to 'Europeans' taking valuable NHS resources etc etc.

Forgive Me St. Patrick

Pair of Tw@ts

LOOK AT THOSE TWO F**KING COCKS UP THERE!
I HATE THOSE PLASTIC FOOLS WHO CELEBRATE SAINT PATRICKS DAY LIKE THEY'VE LIVED IN IRELAND ALL THEIR LIVES! AND ITS USUALLY (AND SOME WOULD SAY TYPICALLY) THE AMERICANS WHO ARE GUILTY OF IT. IT PROPER BLOODY WINDS ME UP! I MEAN WHAT TE F*CK??! THE REST OF THE SODDING YEAR THEY COULDN'T GIVE A SHYTE ABOUT IRELAND! FAKE TOSSERS! GET THE F*CK OUT OF IT YOU D!CKS!!
DANCING AROUND LIKE UNCOORDINATED HIPPOS, GUZZLING GREEN BEER AND WEARING IDIOTIC LEPRECHAUN OUTFITS. JUST PIZZ OFF! AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, 99% HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO IRELAND! WHAT A JOKE. A BAD ONE, A REALLY REALLY BAD ONE! AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE MISERABLE "AMERICAN BY BIRTH, IRISH BY THE GRACE OF GOD" TEE SHIRTS EH? FOR THE LOVE OF THE HOLY GUINNESS, IM GLAD IM NOT IRISH BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE KICKER FOR ME! FACE IT, YOU WERE BORN IN BOSTON, YOU ARE NOT IRISH. GREAT GREAT GRANNY MIGHT HAVE BEEN BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE! IT WOULDN'T GIVE ME THE ARSE IF FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR THEY WEREN'T SO DAMNED PATRIOTIC AND DINT SEEM TO HATE BRITS/IRISH SO.
YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHY IM SO ANNOYED/ANGRY? IM WELSH, A CELT LIKE MY IRISH BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND SEEING FELLOW CELTS BEING MADE INTO GROTESQUE CARICATURES IS SOOOO GALLING THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO SPIT CRABS!

Oscars the Potter

NOW HULK IS MAD !!

"I gave up on the Oscars when the Harry Potter franchise won nothing."

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa *coughs* HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa !!!!!

Was that meant to be a joke? This foolish comment hath shaken and stirred the Ranter from his fried chicken and cider strewn pit! Harry F**king Potter ??! Oh my days, you so funny. A speccy magic kid in a robe? F**k Off! Thou caluminous reeling-ripe haggard! Thou cullionly earth-vexing moldwarp! (And cheers to Shakespeare for those.) The boy wizard is Crap Supreme! A Supreme turd in life's punch bowl, and deserving of a damn good kicking should he ever decide to show his sh!tness in my Peanut Bar! Oscars my azz, that franchise isn't worth a w@nk of cabbages!
And okay I admit ive never read the books or seen the films but I don't need eat a sperm lasagne to know that it would taste rank. Good Lord, I need another drink of summat strong. Nurse!

Lets read it again: "I gave up on the Oscars when the Harry Potter franchise won nothing."

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

HaHaHaHaHaHa

HaHaHaHa

HaHaHa

Xmas Pit Stop, By Jove!

Do Not Mix!

Ah something I cant rant about! Was stopped in the run up to Christmas by the Police who were o the hunt for those who had been at the sherbet before getting behind the wheel of a car. Naughty naughty! Was a cunning plan by them too because we were stopped on a sunday morning coming from the old carboot sale, they were evidently looking for those plebs fool enough to drive after a skinful on the saturday. Anyway good for the cops sez I! Hope they caught a few. In the photo above is part of the breathalyser tube they give to you after you give them a blow (ooer!) so I thought id be 'arty' and include it in a piccy with some 10% vol cola shotz. Nurse!!