Seductress Austen
For the most part im a gentle, contented soul, happy to let life go on its merry way. But sometimes things happen that would test the patience of a saint (or a poet) and for these little troubles I give you Ranter the Shanter ~ Born to shant, Loves to rant! You think im cute when I get mad? Well in a minute im about to be f**king gorgeous.
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Faking It....
Fake tattoos. What the f**k are they all about? Well actually its not the tattoos I have an issue with, its the tossers who wear them, poncing around trying to look 'cool' or 'hard'. W@ankers! How do I say this? GROW THE F**K YOU DIMWIT! YOU DONT LOOK EITHER COOL NOR HARD, IN FACT YOU LOOK THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE YOU POSEUR BAG OF SHYTE!
Now before I get hate mail (I love those by the way) I use fake tattoos but the difference is I ALREADY HAVE 19 REAL ONES INKED ON MY DRUNKEN FLESH and the reason I use them is to plan where my next REAL TATTOO will go. I simply slap on a kiddies tattoo to decide if I like the spot I have in mind for the tattoo proper.
And speaking of kiddies I have no problem with them having them, ITS THOSE VAIN IMBECILES WHO GO OUT CLUBBING WITH THEM THAT I HAVE THE UTTER SH!T WITH. I mean seriously GET. A. LIFE. you man~fairy!
Now before I get hate mail (I love those by the way) I use fake tattoos but the difference is I ALREADY HAVE 19 REAL ONES INKED ON MY DRUNKEN FLESH and the reason I use them is to plan where my next REAL TATTOO will go. I simply slap on a kiddies tattoo to decide if I like the spot I have in mind for the tattoo proper.
And speaking of kiddies I have no problem with them having them, ITS THOSE VAIN IMBECILES WHO GO OUT CLUBBING WITH THEM THAT I HAVE THE UTTER SH!T WITH. I mean seriously GET. A. LIFE. you man~fairy!
Sunday 20 February 2011
I Offer Thee My Service....
The Ranter cannot take hearing of any more RUBBISH names for bands. Day after day of advertising local gigs through another alter ego elsewhere on the web have finally snapped me like a cocktail stick left in rum too long. I find it hard to believe that many successful bands have God awful names because I am of the opinion that the bands name is paramount to contributing to its success.
Still, if musicians heed this blog the sh!tty names could be a thing of the past. (But dont hold your breath.) You see dear inebriate, besides from RANTING and SHANTING (shanting by the way is West Wales slang for drinking) I am also a poet, writer, playwright and dabbling photographer. Im a pretty creative guy when I put my well toned ass in gear so im offering my services to any budding Motley Crue or Cannibal Corpse out there, COME TO YOUR RANTER AND I WILL BLESS THEE WITH A BAND NAME WORTHY TO FILL THE MILLENNIUM STADIUM IN CARDIFF !!
Seriously. During quiet moments of composing great poems I often conjure up cool names for non existent bands. Be a pity to waste them. (And believe me, they ARE very good.) So drop the Ranter a line, it will only cost you a few Jagerbombs. See you at the stadium!
Still, if musicians heed this blog the sh!tty names could be a thing of the past. (But dont hold your breath.) You see dear inebriate, besides from RANTING and SHANTING (shanting by the way is West Wales slang for drinking) I am also a poet, writer, playwright and dabbling photographer. Im a pretty creative guy when I put my well toned ass in gear so im offering my services to any budding Motley Crue or Cannibal Corpse out there, COME TO YOUR RANTER AND I WILL BLESS THEE WITH A BAND NAME WORTHY TO FILL THE MILLENNIUM STADIUM IN CARDIFF !!
Seriously. During quiet moments of composing great poems I often conjure up cool names for non existent bands. Be a pity to waste them. (And believe me, they ARE very good.) So drop the Ranter a line, it will only cost you a few Jagerbombs. See you at the stadium!
Friday 18 February 2011
Label Shmabel
So the partner of the late rock star Stuart Cable is leading a new campaign for stronger warnings on alcohol packaging is she? Hasn't she got better things to be doing? Heavens to James Beam! If we get into even more of a nanny f**king state than we are now, nobody will be free to do anything without some do gooder breathing down our necks! Plebs.
As you know the Ranter is quite partial to a tipple or ten AND BY ALL THAT IS SOZZLED I WILL CONTINUE DAMN IT!!
I knew my 'art' would come in handy in a blog one day
Slapping bloody labels on booze WILL DO SWEET F A You could give away diseased livers with every bottle and it wouldnt put me off. (Now theres a cool idead!) Why is there always someone out to spoil ones fun? And even worse trying to get a nosey snout in your freedom? Am I not free to imbibe until my livers content as long as im not creating misery for others?
This kind of thing didn't do much (if anything) with smokers. Those idiots are still sticking dried leaves in the gobs and lighting them, so why would anyone think us boozers will be any different?
Listen up and listen close ~ I DO NOT WANT DO GOODERS AND LILY LIVERED SELF RIGHTEOUS PR**S IN MY LIFE! GO AND ANNOY SOMEONE ELSE YOU SHRIVELLED UP OIKS! DO NOT TRY TO CREATE A DIFFERENT LIFE FOR ME OR TRY TO FORCE ONE ON ME. I WILL NOT THANK YOU FOR IT!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? GOOD, NOW GO PAINT A TOENAIL.
As you know the Ranter is quite partial to a tipple or ten AND BY ALL THAT IS SOZZLED I WILL CONTINUE DAMN IT!!
I knew my 'art' would come in handy in a blog one day
Slapping bloody labels on booze WILL DO SWEET F A You could give away diseased livers with every bottle and it wouldnt put me off. (Now theres a cool idead!) Why is there always someone out to spoil ones fun? And even worse trying to get a nosey snout in your freedom? Am I not free to imbibe until my livers content as long as im not creating misery for others?
This kind of thing didn't do much (if anything) with smokers. Those idiots are still sticking dried leaves in the gobs and lighting them, so why would anyone think us boozers will be any different?
Listen up and listen close ~ I DO NOT WANT DO GOODERS AND LILY LIVERED SELF RIGHTEOUS PR**S IN MY LIFE! GO AND ANNOY SOMEONE ELSE YOU SHRIVELLED UP OIKS! DO NOT TRY TO CREATE A DIFFERENT LIFE FOR ME OR TRY TO FORCE ONE ON ME. I WILL NOT THANK YOU FOR IT!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? GOOD, NOW GO PAINT A TOENAIL.
Wednesday 16 February 2011
About As Deep As Puddles
So People magazine are compiling a list of 'The 100 Most Beautiful People' eh? And none of them will be airbrushed up the ass will they? Perish the thought. ISTHIS THE TYPE OF NONSENSE PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN NOWADAYS? ARE THEY SO DULL AND UGLY THAT THEY HAVE TO RESORT TO LOOKING TOWARD CRETINS IN MAGAZINES? THIS IS A SICK, SICK GROUP OF PEOPLE WE ARE FEEDING HERE.
Its that wretched 'celebrity' grovel again!! 'Oh someones in the media spotlight, they must be ever so special.' 'He/she is an actor/singer, I must take an interest in everything they do!' OH JUST F**K OFF AND DIE YOU INSUFERABLE BAST@RD! I should feel sorry for these mutts because they are obviously TAPPED IN THE NUT but by the love of all drunkeness, I cant. Horrible wasters.
Its that wretched 'celebrity' grovel again!! 'Oh someones in the media spotlight, they must be ever so special.' 'He/she is an actor/singer, I must take an interest in everything they do!' OH JUST F**K OFF AND DIE YOU INSUFERABLE BAST@RD! I should feel sorry for these mutts because they are obviously TAPPED IN THE NUT but by the love of all drunkeness, I cant. Horrible wasters.
Sunday 13 February 2011
Chow Mein Nein!
What the f**k is the deal with COW MEIN then?????? Ive never tried it before, thats almost forty cider addled years, and by the holy bottle of Wolfenbuttel I now realise I was entirely correct to avoid it! It tastes the bloody rubber!! Bleurgh, I feel piggn' sick!! How can anyone sane enjoy that stuff? I would have been better off eating the packaging the unholy noodles arrived in. Buddha on a pogo~stick!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)