Christmas Court!

A Swansea 'Christmas list' at court today that's very sad to read: thefts, assaults, drink driving; burglaries, harassment, possessing weed.
If these are repeat offenders, take them out back and shoot them. These types only ever cost society and its kinder getting rid. I mean the hardcore persistent offenders here. They'll never reform, they just take advantage of the bleeding hearts and continue making life a misery for others.

United States of Shant

Insurance compainies want under 25 year olds stopped from taking their car out after 11pm. Slow man, I came up with this years ago and would ban ANYONE from driving after 11pm aside from those who worked nights. Anyone out after 11pm is usually up to no good, drug dealing or raping so in the USoS everyone indoors by 11pm im afraid. Only criminals would disagree.

Begging!

And as for this ~ "Universal Credit is best viewed not as a benefit at all but as a process of degradation and destruction for anyone on an income low enough to need to claim it. It is in fact a 21st century, virtual, version of the workhouse."
You sound awfully silly.
Im all for workhouses. Put prisoners and scroungers on giant tread wheels and make them generate electricity for the rest of us. Better than wind turbines and they get fit.

Badger Milk

RSPCA are asking supermarkets to label bottles of milk which are "badger friendly" so consumers can boycott milk that comes from farms where badgers are being culled.

This BOILS MY PI$$!! Its about time the goverment stepped in and put a stop to things like this. The cull wasput in place for a reason & is not there for nothing , do they also realise that this will effect peoples lives & livelyhood .
It wont work anyway because the average hippy only has about a fiver in their arse pocket to feed a family.
what really irritates me about this whole '' RSPCA interference '' is if supermarkets do agree to label all there milk products with '' badger friendly'' it implies that dairy farming in some way '' harms'' badgers , much in the same way that tuna is sometimes labelled with dolphin friendly regarding the nets they use
cruelty to cattle to let them get infected by TB from diseased badgers, who will in turn be suffering the hellish effects of that illness? Oh they don't care about cattle, there not fluffy cuddly things. These crack pots were brought up reading wind in the willows and Brer Rabbit , and think that's how woodland life is

Benefits Cap

We're all going down, all going down to the dole house!

Okay government, the Ranter, due to a lull in boozing, has been thinking and thinks he has come up with an idea to help y'all. I went a bit Texan there!
Cap benefits at a maximum of 40 hours at whatever the national minimum wage is. It will then never be worth more to be out of work.
Force people to make changes to their life. As for the people who sit at home and do nothing STOP their benefits and leave them to it. Some people actually feel like dole money is their god given right and its not! One woman moaned when asked to go to the job center that she had better things to be doing!?? She smoked weed and hadn't worked in 8 years. STOP HER BENEFITS AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO ACTS LIKE THAT!

And here's more news. Clegg has U turned like his pal Dai and is now backing plans for a welfare freeze. Good. Why should people who dont work get a wage rise whilst people who have chosen to work not get a rise?? You want money, get out and earn it, dont expect the taxpayers/government to fund your filthy little habits.
And lets have no more shouts of "SCRAPS FROM THE RICH MAN'S TABLE!"
Oh puleeeze! We no longer live in the dark ages and benefit scrounges are getting more than scraps. Max benefits should be capped at around 50% of average wage. Then stand back and watch them rush back to work. Taxpayers should not have to fund lifestyle choices of idleness. GENUINE cases of NEED are one thing but funding that allows widescreen TVs, flats for single teenage mums and all the other non vitals for the idle should be removed instantly.
You hear of bone idle plebs owning LCD tvs and computers. Those are luxuries in anyones eyes and proof they get far too much in Welfare. £25 a week is more than enough. Its NOT siding with the wealthy, its siding with the workers.
Vote Ranter! I am your friend. I will pledge to execute the murderers, starve the scroungers, kick out the terrorists and reward the workers and drinkers!

71 Quid ????

On reading an article about "Hilary Devey's Dole Office" shRw I stumbled (drunkenly of course) on this comment: "I would like to see if she could live on benefits its ok making a programme try living on 71 pounds a week."
FIRST OFF, PUNCTUATION! ITS NOT USED FOR FUN OR BECAUSE IN ITS WEIRD WAY IT CAN LOOK FANCY SO BLOODY WELL USE IT!!
SECONDLY, HILARY WORKS FOR A LIVING SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO LIVE ON A PALTRY £71 A WEEK. AND F**K ME, SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES ANYONE DO IT???? MY BOOZE BILL IS ROUGHLY £87 A WEEK SO THE RANTER WOULD BE WITHOUT HIS SHANT ON ANYTHING LESS. *SHIVER* OKAY THATS MADE ME FEEL ILL NOW SO IM OFF TO THE BAR. NURSE!!

Lotto

IM HAPPY FOR THAT COUPLE WHO SCOOPED £148m ON THE EUROMILLION LOTTERY, FAIR PLAY TO YOU GUYS, NOW GET OUT THERE, TRAVEL THE WORLD AND DRINK AND BE F**KING MERRY! BUT DO THE TABLOIDS REALLY HAVE TO WRITE 'STORIES' ABOUT WHAT AIRLINE THEY USE? SO BLOODY MARY WHAT THEY CHOSE A BUDGET COMPANY?? I REALISE ITS HARD FOR YOU TYPES TO UNDERSTAND, WHAT WITH YOUR POXY Z LIST 'CELEBRITY' OBSSESSION, BUT SOME FOLKS WILL NEVER CHANGE, EVEN WITH MEGA MILLIONS IN THE BANK. I KNOW THE RANTER WOULDN'T. IF I WON THE LOTTO TONIGHT ID STILL BE HERE TOMORROW SHANTING WITH THE SAME OLD MAGNER'S CIDER AND RANTING ABOUT THE SAME OLD THINGS THAT GET UP MY GOAT (IF I HAD A GOAT.) IF AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!
AND WHATS EVEN MORE PATHETIC ARE THESE DAFT STORIES TODAY OF THE UNLUCKY GUY WHO STOOD BEHIND THE WINNERS BUYING A LOTTO TICKET, THEREBY MISSING OUT ON WINNING MILLIONS HIMSELF. SO F**KING WHAT???? PEOPLE STANDING BEHIND ME MISS OUT ON JAGERMEISTER OR MAGNERS EVERYDAY BECAUSE YOUR BELOVED RANTER HAS JUST SWOOPED ON THE LAST BOTTLE/CRATE. THIS IS NOT A B@STARD STORY!! I REALISE TWITTER HAS STOLEN YOUR THUNDER AND MADE ACCESS TO THE FAMOUS AND THEIR ANTICS EASIER FOR EVERYONE (ANYONE SAD ENOUGH THAT IS) BUT THESE NON STORIES SMACK OF DESPERATION. EVEN FOR THE MANKY REDTOPS.

The Dandy

So after 75 years, British comic The Dandy is coming to an end, taking with it another bit of my childhood ** NURSE! DROP OF COGNAC IN THE GLASS BIN IF YOU PLEASE ** I've not read it for years and was more of a Beano fan, but I Googled a few of the more recent issues and couldn't believe how different they are. Cartoons featuring f**king toilet bowl 'celebrities' and b@stard company mascots like those f**king meerkat abominations. I HATE those creatures with their stupid chattering!! Its sad whenever such an old 'tradition' dies but from the look of it then its dire need of taking out back and shot. Put the comic out of it's misery. Better this than having a shadow of its former self on the newsagent shelf like a worn out whore who nobody picks anymore.
Cheers Dan, you barrel chested man of appetites! Bet you're a fair bloody shanter too! The Dandy might be dead but ive a feeling we've not seen the last of you boyo!

Legs

A proper London marathon has at last started in old London town consisting of pro athletes and none of those dopes running it dressed as the Queen or a f**king panda. I know they run for charity and they have my respect but please, have two marathons, one for the serious runners and one for Kermit the frog and company.

Fury Me !!

Joke drugs with fatal laughs

WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH KIDS TODAY?? EVERY DAY WE SEE STORIES OF ONE OF THE IDIOTS DYING OR DOING SOMETHING STUPID AFTER TAKING THESE CRAPPY 'LEGAL HIGHS', AND IM GETTING SICK OF IT! FOR THE LOVE OF JACK DANIELS, CAN THEY NOT SEE THE WARNING ON THE PACKET ABOVE? OR CAN'T THEY READ? IT WOULDN'T SUPRISE ME. "NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION" GENERALLY MEANS "NOT GOOD" AND EFFECTS FROM TAKING THEM WILL EITHER BE DEATH OR SCREWING UP YOUR BODY SO ROYALLY THAT YOU END UP AS PRODUCTIVE AS A LETTUCE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
FOR F**KS SAKE, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET HIGH, DON'T FAFF AROUND WITH THESE SOPPY 'LEGAL HIGHS', THATS LIKE EATING TOFU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO AFRAID OF MEAT! BUY THE REAL THING (NOT THAT I ADVOCATE THIS). FAR BETTER TO RELAX WITH A GLASS OF BOURBON OR GIN. AT LEAST YOU WON'T END UP DRIBBLING LIKE A NIT AND PAYING COURT FINES. I DESPAIR, I REALLY DO. BLOODY TEENAGERS AND THEIR GINGERLY WAYS.

Got A Light Guv?

Look! Its fire!

The Olympic Torch arrived in Britain last night amid some bullshit pomp and ceremony (and some fat guy called Boris) and this morning looking at the news headlines, one would think we had never seen fire before in our lives. "Ooh! The Olympic Torch is to travel around the British Isles!" "Cor blimey! What a beautiful flame!" Well smack my ass with granny's slippers and call me Veronica, I couldn't give a damn! I hope it f**king rains the entire route. And I make no apologies for hoping for the worst, the Ranter has always believed this London Olympic thing to be an utter con, especially after spending so much when we are supposed to be in times of austerity. Are we sure?? It doesn't bloody look like it from my spot at the bar.
Does anyone care about the London Olympics? (Apart from politicians, athletes and the games sponsors that is). I personally don't know of anyone who gives a dodgy pint about it, especially in Wales, Ireland and Scotland. Most only think of it as a waste of time and money, and purely a London thing. To put it bluntly, the average pub drinkers have more important things on their minds like rising unemployment, cuts to local services and whether they will be able to afford to feed the children and keep a roof over their families heads. Those things kinda put this Olympic con into perspective dontcha think? Cheers!

Angry Birdies

an Angry Bird yesterday

F**K ME, THAT 'ANGRY BIRDS' GAME IS GOOD! IM NEW TO iPHONE (LONG STORY, PULL UP A BAR STOOL) BUT SINCE ANGRY IS MY MIDDLE NAME (JUST BEFORE 'THE SHANTER') AND BIRDS ARE COOL, THIS WAS AN OBVIOUS DOWNLOAD. AND ITS AS ADDICTIVE AS DRINKING ABSINTHE WHILST STARING AT SERENA WILLIAMS' LEGS! FOR FELLOW NEWBIES, ALL YOU DO IS USE A CATAPULT TO LAUNCH DIFFERENT BIRDIES AT BUILDINGS AND PIGS (THE BACON MACHINES HAVE NICKED EGGS OR SOMETHING) AND THATS IT! ANGRY F**KING BIRDS! THE SHANTERS NEW PETS!

Aintree 'Ladies' Day

Is Aintree Ladies Day the most humiliating sight in sport? asks the radio blokey. Do you really want to know? Really really with an olive in the gin? YES IT BLOODY WELL IS! ALL THOSE SLAPPERS TRYING TO LOOK LIKE SUPERMODEL WITH THEIR HORRIBLE FAKE TANS AND MATALAN BAGS (ONE HAD A BAG WITH 'MATALAN' WRITTEN ON THE SIDE LMDAO). THEY LOOK ABOUT AS CLASSY AS DOG SH!T. IN EARRINGS. WHEN WILL SOME PEOPLE REALISE THAT WHEN CHEAP ATTEMPTS TO MIMIC CLASS IT NEARLY ALWAYS ENDS UP LOOKING A PROPER MESS? GO CHECK OUT THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF 'AINTREE LADIES DAY' IN BRITISH NEWSPAPER WEBSITES TO SEE FOR YOURSELF. AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME YOU MUST EITHER HAVE THE SAME 'FASHION' SENSE (NONE) OR BE RELATED TO ONE OF THE 'LADIES'. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'VE BEEN TIPPED IN GLUE AND DRAGGED THROUGH A F**KING JUMBLE SALE! DEAR ME WHAT A BLOODY STATE. 'LADIES DAY' AND NOT A LADY IN SIGHT.

* LMDOA MEANS LAUGHING MY DRUNK A$$ OFF

The Shanters Friend

You heard the man!

Gearge Osborne looks like the type of chap who would steal the olive out of your Martinirt when you weren't looking but he's just announced the Budget and while cigarettes have gone up by 37p, alcohol hasn't been touched. Bravo Georgie lad! The Shanters friend! And please dont whine smokers, if you cant afford the 37p increase, quit smoking. Its that simple. Hell's cocktail stick, it must be cheaper to smoke £5 notes then cigarettes these days. Cin Cin!

Pete Barlow Award

CHEERS PETE! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ON THAT SHANT!

Fat Birds Horror

When were the sh!tty Brit Awards held? Saturday or sunday? AND STILL SOME PAPERS ARE WHINING OVER THE FACT THAT SOME TUBBY CHICK CALLED ADELE HAD HER SPEECH CUT SHORT!!? THE SUN (IT WOULD BE) EVEN HAS A HEADLINE 'MY YELL HELL' BY THE HOST. CHRIST ON A BIKE, GET ME ANOTHER GIN PRONTO!! WHO GIVES A F**K? SO WHAT SOME STRUMPET WAS DENIED A FEW MINUTES TO THANK 'HER PEOPLE'? ITS HARDLY NEWS OF THE CENTURY IS IT? THOSE AWARD SPEECHES ARE JUST VOCAL HANDJOBS AIMED AT HANGERS ON AND SYCOPHANTS (OR SICKO~PANTS), HARDLY PEARLS OF WISDOM. YOU COULD SWEAR SOMEONE HAD CUT OFF SOCRATES JUST AS HE WAS GETTING TO THE GOOD BIT! FORGET ABOUT IT ALREADY!

Turnip Heads

When the Home Office says this about a man, "This is a dangerous man who we believe poses a real threat to our security." You would think better than to let him go free right? But alas, we suffer in Britain from what is known as the Pox of Europe, which forces us to not only keep dangerous men in our country but to free them on bail! A guy who is wanted in another country for terrorism charges. A guy who the courts have said "poses a national security risk".
WHAT IN THE NAME OF JOHNNIE WALKER IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO? EH?? TALK ABOUT ASKING FOR TROUBLE. ITS BARMY RULINGS LIKE THESE THAT PUSH A LOT OF FOLK INTO THE ARMS OF RACISM. THINK IM EXAGGERATING? F**K YOU JONES! IM NOT! GO READ A FORUM, THE NEW PULSE OF THE WORLD. ALREADY LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE TURNING ON ALL MUSLIMS AND LUMPING THEM IN WITH THE TERRORISTS. ITS THERE IN BLACK AND WHITE ON YOUR SCREEN AND NEWS LIKE THIS WILL ONLY PUSH THEM FURTHER INTO ANGER. AND HATE.
IVE SEEN IT IN ON THESTREET TOO. THERE ARE NOT MANY MUSLIMS IN MY PART OF THE WORLD BUT THE LITTLE IVE SEEN GET SOME VERY DARK LOOKS FROM LOCALS. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY, ITS WRONG BUT IT IS.

Sky Packages for Lard Azzes

Listening to the radio as I do while pecking out words from my cider addled brain, I get to hear everything. F**k television, the wireless is the pulse of the nation. There is music to soothe my hangover, and there is debate to get fired up to. And boy did I get fired up nice and tidy five minutes ago! Pass me the shant, quick sharp!
The progamme I was tuned in to was talking about Britain's benefits culture and about how some folks are seemingly happy to sit on their lardy asses and leech off the state. One horrible, unwashed scrounger, tried to justify their benefits by saying, "We get the Sky Movies package because we’re stuck in the house all week – otherwise we wouldn’t have any entertainment."
WHAT THE HELL? I HOPE THE SATELITE DISH FALLS ON YOUR F**KING HEAD, YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE!THOSE OF US WHO ACTUALLY WORK FOR A LIVING HAVE TO PAY FOR THOSE PACKAGES BY GETTING OFF OUR BACKSIDES EVERY 5AM AND PUTTING IN A DAYS GRAFT. IM JUST ABOUT BLOODY SICK OF IT!!!! I WOULDN'T LET THE B@STARDS HAVE SKY IF I RULED THE LAND. NO ENTERTAINMENT UNTIL WORK SEZ I! TOO FLIPPING RIGHT!
IT BEGGARS BELIEF THAT SOME PEOPLE COULD BE SO BONE IDLE. WHERE THE F**K IS THEIR PRIDE? THEIR DIGNITY? LOST IN THE FAT OF TESCO VALUE PIZZA AND PROCESSED CHEESE NO DOUBT. IF YOU ARE FIT TO WORK, YOU SHOULD BE DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO FIND IT, INSTEAD OF SMOKING YOURSELF SILLY WATCHING CRAPPY FILMS ALL DAY! NO WONDER THIS COUNTRY IS IN THE STATE IT IS.
IIN AMERICA I BELIEVE YOU ONLY RECEIVE WELFARE FOR SO LONG AND THEN YOU HAVE TO RELY ON CHARITY. QUITE RIGHT TOO! WE CANNOT CONTINUE HANDING OUT FISTFULS OF WEDGE FOR DOING BUGGER ALL! SOME OF THESE WRETCHES GET MORE IN BENEFITS A YEAR THAN WORKING PEOPLE GET! SWINES!

Wine In Pints

Last nights session

BE ADVISED DEAR SHANTERS, THIS POST IS NOT TO BRAG ABOUT HOW MUCH SHANT I CAN DRINK. I AM AT A TIME IN LIFE WHERE SUCH PETTY BOASTS ARE OF NO CONSEQUENCE AND THEY MATTER NOT A JOT. NO THIS IS JUST TO SAY THAT HARDLY ANYONE STICKS TO ONE GLASS OF RED IN THE EVENING, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT A BOTTLE WILL BE DRAINED WELL BEFORE THE CREDITS HAVE ROLLED ON CORONATION STREET SO WHY USE THOSE WEEDY LITTLE WINE GLASSES? WHY OH SHITTERY F**K WHY? JUST SPLOSH IT ALL IN A PINT GLASS AND BE DONE WITH IT! GLUG THAT F**KER! TO COMPLETELY SCREW UP THE LAD ARMSTRONGS QUOTES, ITS SMALL SIPS FOR NANCY BOYS, BUT GIANT SWIGS FOR BARDS!

Wine A Mia, Aloha!

**Pours Breakfast Tomato Juice in Gin**
So Amy Winehouse's father is in 'shock' after some clothes designer used 'her image' on the catwalk. WHAT THE FAAAACK? SINCE WHEN HAS A BEEHIVE HAIR~DO AND PENCIL SKIRT BEEN HIS DAUGHTERS IMAGE???? IM NO FASHION EXPERT BUT GRUD ON A BABYCHAM, THIS STYLE WAS AROUND WAY BEFORE WINEHOUSE. (WINEHOUSE. LOVE THAT NAME. WINEHOUSE. BOOZEHOUSE. WINY WINEHOUSE). I REMEMBER OGLING AT MODELS DRESSED THIS WAY IN THE PORN MAGS I USED TO 'COLLECT' IN MY YOUNGER, LAGER SUPPPING DAYS. CLOTHES IN PORNO? IT WAS CLASSY SMUT *GRIN* (AH THE INNOCENT~ISH DAYS).
THE LAD JAMES 'JIM' BEAM...SORRY DEAN HAD A 'LOOK' TOO BUT YOU DON'T SEE HIS ESTATE GETTING ALL PISSY OVER FOLK WEARING LEATHER JACKETS AND TIGHT JEANS. DOES IT FEEL COLD OUT OF THE HEADLINES OR SOMETHING MR WINEHOUSE? JUST LOOKS PETTY FROM MY BARSTOOL.

Beer Wenches Are Go!

I'll get my coat!

NO RANT HERE IM AFRAID DEAR SHANTERS, JUST A QUICK LOOK AT WHAT THE SCENES ARE LIKE WHEN I PASS OUT EVERY EVENING AFTER A CLANKING THE GLASSES AND DRAINING THE LAST OF THE SCOTCH FROM ICE CUBES. I TRY NOT TO SLEEP/FLAKE OUT IN A RANTY MOOD BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THOSE IN THE DAY. AT NIGHT I LIKE TO LET THE LIQUOR TAKE ME ON A RIVER JOURNEY THROUGH LANDS OF BUSTY BABES AND OTHER DELIGHTS. THERE ARE NO ELABORATE FANTASIES OR ERSTWHILE KINKS, JUST T!TS AND BEER LIKE MEN'S DREAMS OUGHT TO BE.

New Year Stains!

Nurse! Bang me up another brewskie, I feel a rant coming on! So here we all are in 2012, a new year to hope for something special to tap us on the shoulder and make our life complete. We're all feeling giddy with excitement like five shots of Jagerbombs right? Wrong sunshine! For most of us it will be the same old helping of crap trifle as last year with a genorous dollop of misery cream to go with it. Plus a side order of bleurgh.
I couldn't f**king believe those thousands of chinless wonders in London last night, all whooping like demented lemons at the fireworks. (Which from what I saw through whisky smashed eyeballs looked balls). This country is very nearly screwed, we have a hundred and one things to make right and here we are celebrating a switch into another bloody midnight! So its 2012?? So f**king what? Its just a step nearer the grave my inebriate chums, nothing more. And please don't give me that nonsense about having the Olympics to look forward to. I couldn't care bastard less for the thing! Funny 'times of austerity' we are in when we can burn hundreds of thousands of pounds in a garish firework display simply to welcome in a new year, then millions more on a wanky sporting event that millions of Brits won't even bother watching. Men running (not very fast) 100 metres. Diving into swimming pools while doing yoga. Throwing spears. Jumping onto a crash mat. Oh the thrill of it all! Why I might just bust a nut any minute! Not.
Its CRAP, you know it, I know it, we ALL f**king know it unless you happen to be an olympic sportsman, which lets face it, is about 0.1% of the population. Makes me want to hurl giant spewy chunks!
Your dear Ranter hopes it will all go tits up and that snooty looking tosspot Dai Cameron is left with more egg on his weasly face than a Chinese woman at a bukkake party!
But back to the new year. So what? It could be WORSE than the sewage a lot of us swam through in 20 bastard 11!! Its all very well being all optimistic and chucking a few glances over at the bright side but year after year after year, should teach us that nothing really gets better for the majority. We remain in the same trenches, putting up with the same sh!t day after day. And what with cuts to everything from the NHS to police forces, the battle only gets tougher, not better. You are deluding yourself if you think otherwise. Why as if to back my rant up, as I type this its been announced on the news that we in Britain and Europe are facing the worst economical crisis since WW2 and things will get harder in 2012! Yah those celebrations last night seem pretty flaky now right?
Bloody politicians! promise the world but fail to deliver EVERY F**KING TIME!
Sure I got toasted last night but hey im the SHANTER, its what I do along with RANT! And I do it partly because I can the shyte around us clearly (albeit occasionaly in double vision). I KNOW we are all headed to hell in a Morrisons basket. In fact I half of my hopes that Mayan forecast where we perish in 2012 is right! Happy New Year my penis ring! Get drunk I tell you! Thats the only hope for this world! God Bless!