Jailbirds Want More Sky

Today its been reported that prisoners are upset because they are only able to recieve one Sky Sports channel in their suites...sorry cells. So miffed are they that the have lodged a formal complaint. The baztards.
WHAT THE F**K HAS THIS COUNTRY COME TO SAY? SPANK MY GIN SOAKED ASS WITH A SOGGY KIPPER! WE HAVE BECOME A NATION OF PANSIES, AFRAID TO DISH OUT SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED PUNISHMENTS! IT MAKES MY BLOODY CIDER GO FLAT I DONT MIND TELLING YOU!
WHY THE HELL SHOULD PRISONERS GET SATELITE TELEVISION? THEY ARE IN THE CLINK FOR DOING WRONG FFS, NOT TO BE MOLLY CODDLED! YOU ARE NOT ON A FRICKEN' CRUISE YOU CRETINS, YOU ARE IN JAIL, J.A.I.L. ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A COMFORTABLE SUITE! AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAAAAP ABOUT 'THEIR PUNISHMENT IS LOSS OF LIBERTY, NOTHING MORE' BECAUSE IVE HAD A BELLY FULL OF IT! F**KING BLEEDING HEART T!TS!


A jail treadmill before the days of luxuries

A LOT OF HARD WORKING FOLK WHO HAVE DONE NO WRONG CAN'T AFFORD SATELITE TV, SO WHY IN THE NAME OF FELINFOEL ALE ARE WE GIVING IT FREE TO THE DREGS OF SOCIETY? PEOPLE WHO ABIDE BY THE LAWS OF THE LAND AND PUT IN AN HONEST DAYS GRAFT ARE GETTING IT WORSE THAN LAWBREAKERS. THIS IS NOT RIGHT AND BRITAIN NEEDS SOMEONE WITH A SPINE TO SORT IT OUT PRONTO! LOOK AT SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO OVER IN ARIZONA FOR EXAMPLE. HE'S JUST WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS. A GOOD KICK UP UP THE CHUFF.
HERE IS A THOUGHT: IF WE GIVE PRISONERS ALL OF THESE COMFORTS TO TAKE THEIR MINDS OF THE SENTENCE THEY ARE SERVING, IT ONLY ALLOWS THEM TO FORGET THEIR CRIMES! AND THERE CAN BE NO REMORSE FROM SOMEBODY WHO HAS HAD IT EASY IN JAIL WATCHING THEIR FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM WHILE IGNORING THE REFLECTING ON THEIR BAD BEHAVIOUR BIT! AND THATS F**KING NONSENSE!
RADIO, NEWSPAPERS AND BOOKS SHOULD BE QUITE ENOUGH FOR THOSE IN JAIL. OBVIOUSLY IF WE TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY AND LET THEM ROT WITHIN FOUR WALLS WE WILL BE RELEASING DANGEROUS LUNATICS ONTO OUR STREETS AND NOBODY WANTS THAT. BUT ALL OF THIS PANDERING TO EVERY WHIM IS RIDICULOUS AND ALL ITS DOING IS TEACHING THEM HOW TO FURTHER TAKE ADVANTAGE. IT ALSO GIVES INMATES THE UPPER HAND. THEY DEMAND, WE KEEP GIVING IN. AND IT MUST BLOODY WELL STOP THIS INSTANT!

Clarkson the Village Idiot

Good now p!ss off

So idiot presenter Jeremy Clarkson has said the Welsh language should be abolished? COMING FROM A MAN WHO LOOKS IKE A TOILET BRUSH AND GETS A HARD ON OVER CARS (WEIRDO) WE REALLY OUGHT TO IGNORE THIS BUFFOONS THOUGHTS. IN FACT IM KICKING MYSELF OVER WRITING THIS BUT YOUR DEAR RANTER MUST HAVE HIS SAY HERE. (THATS WHAT THIS BLOG IS ALL ABOUT AFTERALL).
CLARKSON, YOU ARE A WASTE OF SPACE AND IM DAMNED GLAD IVE NEVER WATCHED ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE BECAUSE EVEN THE SIGHT OF YOUR CRETINOUS MUG PUTS ME OFF MY MAGNER'S CIDER YOU HOPLESS HUMAN BEING! I HOPE YOU DRIVE OVER A CLIFF, NOW DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND GO FIND AN EXHAUST TO CRAWL INTO. PRAT!

Black Bury

Typical screen

What on earth is all this fuss about over the Blackberry mobile phone? I foolishly bought one of these contraptions last week and its F**KING TERRIBLE!! THE BUTTONS ARE TINY, THE APPLICATIONS NEVER WORK, THE APPICATION STORE HARDLY OPEN AND IT HAS THE WORST TEXTING SYSTEM IVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO USE! THE SCREEN IN THE ABOVE PICTURE IS ONE I TOOK EARLIER AND ITS ON THE SCREEN SO MUCH IT MIGHT AS WELL BE A BLOODY SCREENSAVER! I MEAN WHAT THE F**K?
AND TO ADD TO THE FRUSTRATION THE APPS I HAVE MANAGED TO DOWNLOAD, DO NOT FLIPPING WORK. EVER. POXY THING. I WAS BETTER OF STICKING WITH MY OLD PHONE, AT LEAST THAT DIDN'T PRETEND TO BE CLEVER.
LET ME GET ONE THING STRAIGHT HERE. I HAVE OWNED A MOBILE PHONE SINCE 1995 WHEN THEY WERE THE SIZE OF BREEZE BLOCKS AND ONLY ONE OTHER PHONE WAS AS RUBBISH AS THIS ONE. BUT EVEN THAT DID AS IT WAS TOLD BECAUSE IT WAS THE DESIGN WHICH WAS AT FAULT THERE. SO IM NOT A CELL PHONE 'NEWBIE', IM QUITE USED TO USING THEM BUT I DO NOT ENJOY USING THIS BLOODY BLACKBERRY! THOSE WHO THINK THEM GREAT HAVE FOOLED THEMSELVES AND ONLY BELIEVE THEM COOL BECAUSE THEY'VE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON GETTING ONE.
THE ONE PLUS POINT ABOUT IT NOT WORKING AS IT SHOULD IS IT DOESN'T HAVE THE WORD 'BLACKBERRY' AFTER EVERY POST I MAKE ON FACEBOOK LIKE MY FRIENDS HAVE, SO IM NOT ADVERTISING THE DAMNED THING. SMARTPHONE MY ASS! A VERY POOR SHOW.

Phone A Friend

Ok im going to get called 'Oldist' or some such sh!t here but not being one to ever hide from the storms I will trudge on regardless. Yesterday your dear Ranter treated himself to a new mobile phone. One of those Blackberry buggers that everyone keeps rattling on about. Well I figured ive got to at least try to keep up with the bells and whistles that society seems intent on flooding itself with. It used to be that all a man needed to be social was a few extra glasses and bottles but those times are dead in the ferns it would seem.
But this is not my rant, no my ranters radar yesterday was peaked by two things: pensioners and the aforementioned Blackberry. (And if that doesn't sound like the title to some great poetry I don't know what does!)
Now I don't care how old you are when youre getting all moble in the comms department but the old dear in front of me in the queue yesterday TOOK A REALLY LONG F**KNG TME MAN! SHE OBVIOUSLY HAD NO DEA WHAT SHE WAS DOING OR BUYING, AND HER HUSBAND STOOD NEXT TO HER LIKE A HATSTAND HOLDNG THE BLOODY SHOPPING. ACTUALLY stops mid~rant for the first time ever COME TO THINK OF IT *takes shot* IT WASN'T THE OLD TIMERS FAULT AT ALL, ITS THE FRIGGIN' SHOPS! IF YOU CAN SEE A CUSTOMER IS GOING TO NEED THINGS EXPLAINED, THEN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS A RINGTONE, TAKE THEM TO ONE OF THOSE DESK PODS YOU HAVE AND LET ANOTHER SALESPERSON TAKE CARE OF WE WHO ARE THERE FOR TOP UPS AND NEW PHONES! COME ON NOW, PLAY THE GAME!


Its ok ive got all day...

Also, these new phones like Blackberries and the like. Why all the palava in getting them hooked up to the webby? ALL OF MY OLD MOBILE PHONES WERE SIMPLE, POP IN SIM CARD, REGISTER, THEN HEAD ON OFF TO THE WORLD WIBE WEB. IT WAS A BREEZE. CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE, NO THESE DAYS YOU HAVE TO RING SOME CUCKOO IN CALCUTTA OR OUTER MONGOLIA BEFORE YOU CAN GET STARTED AND THEN YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ALL THE DOWNLOADS AND UPLOADS AND WHATEVERLOADS. CAPTAIN MORGAN GIVE ME STRENGTH! I THOUGHT THESE NEW THINGS WERE MADE TO BE QUICKER? WITH THE AMOUNT OF UPGRADES AND DOWNLOADS I HAD TO CHECK LAST NIGHT, I FELT LIKE I WAS DROWNING IN DIGTAL QUICKSAND.
And they say these modern toys with their cool applications are here to help make things a little easier? More conveniant? As your dear Ranter pours another stiff drink in order to numb the dying pricks of yesterdays frustration, im not entirely convinced. Cheers!