Wine In Pints

Last nights session

BE ADVISED DEAR SHANTERS, THIS POST IS NOT TO BRAG ABOUT HOW MUCH SHANT I CAN DRINK. I AM AT A TIME IN LIFE WHERE SUCH PETTY BOASTS ARE OF NO CONSEQUENCE AND THEY MATTER NOT A JOT. NO THIS IS JUST TO SAY THAT HARDLY ANYONE STICKS TO ONE GLASS OF RED IN THE EVENING, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT A BOTTLE WILL BE DRAINED WELL BEFORE THE CREDITS HAVE ROLLED ON CORONATION STREET SO WHY USE THOSE WEEDY LITTLE WINE GLASSES? WHY OH SHITTERY F**K WHY? JUST SPLOSH IT ALL IN A PINT GLASS AND BE DONE WITH IT! GLUG THAT F**KER! TO COMPLETELY SCREW UP THE LAD ARMSTRONGS QUOTES, ITS SMALL SIPS FOR NANCY BOYS, BUT GIANT SWIGS FOR BARDS!

Wine A Mia, Aloha!

**Pours Breakfast Tomato Juice in Gin**
So Amy Winehouse's father is in 'shock' after some clothes designer used 'her image' on the catwalk. WHAT THE FAAAACK? SINCE WHEN HAS A BEEHIVE HAIR~DO AND PENCIL SKIRT BEEN HIS DAUGHTERS IMAGE???? IM NO FASHION EXPERT BUT GRUD ON A BABYCHAM, THIS STYLE WAS AROUND WAY BEFORE WINEHOUSE. (WINEHOUSE. LOVE THAT NAME. WINEHOUSE. BOOZEHOUSE. WINY WINEHOUSE). I REMEMBER OGLING AT MODELS DRESSED THIS WAY IN THE PORN MAGS I USED TO 'COLLECT' IN MY YOUNGER, LAGER SUPPPING DAYS. CLOTHES IN PORNO? IT WAS CLASSY SMUT *GRIN* (AH THE INNOCENT~ISH DAYS).
THE LAD JAMES 'JIM' BEAM...SORRY DEAN HAD A 'LOOK' TOO BUT YOU DON'T SEE HIS ESTATE GETTING ALL PISSY OVER FOLK WEARING LEATHER JACKETS AND TIGHT JEANS. DOES IT FEEL COLD OUT OF THE HEADLINES OR SOMETHING MR WINEHOUSE? JUST LOOKS PETTY FROM MY BARSTOOL.

Beer Wenches Are Go!

I'll get my coat!

NO RANT HERE IM AFRAID DEAR SHANTERS, JUST A QUICK LOOK AT WHAT THE SCENES ARE LIKE WHEN I PASS OUT EVERY EVENING AFTER A CLANKING THE GLASSES AND DRAINING THE LAST OF THE SCOTCH FROM ICE CUBES. I TRY NOT TO SLEEP/FLAKE OUT IN A RANTY MOOD BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THOSE IN THE DAY. AT NIGHT I LIKE TO LET THE LIQUOR TAKE ME ON A RIVER JOURNEY THROUGH LANDS OF BUSTY BABES AND OTHER DELIGHTS. THERE ARE NO ELABORATE FANTASIES OR ERSTWHILE KINKS, JUST T!TS AND BEER LIKE MEN'S DREAMS OUGHT TO BE.

New Year Stains!

Nurse! Bang me up another brewskie, I feel a rant coming on! So here we all are in 2012, a new year to hope for something special to tap us on the shoulder and make our life complete. We're all feeling giddy with excitement like five shots of Jagerbombs right? Wrong sunshine! For most of us it will be the same old helping of crap trifle as last year with a genorous dollop of misery cream to go with it. Plus a side order of bleurgh.
I couldn't f**king believe those thousands of chinless wonders in London last night, all whooping like demented lemons at the fireworks. (Which from what I saw through whisky smashed eyeballs looked balls). This country is very nearly screwed, we have a hundred and one things to make right and here we are celebrating a switch into another bloody midnight! So its 2012?? So f**king what? Its just a step nearer the grave my inebriate chums, nothing more. And please don't give me that nonsense about having the Olympics to look forward to. I couldn't care bastard less for the thing! Funny 'times of austerity' we are in when we can burn hundreds of thousands of pounds in a garish firework display simply to welcome in a new year, then millions more on a wanky sporting event that millions of Brits won't even bother watching. Men running (not very fast) 100 metres. Diving into swimming pools while doing yoga. Throwing spears. Jumping onto a crash mat. Oh the thrill of it all! Why I might just bust a nut any minute! Not.
Its CRAP, you know it, I know it, we ALL f**king know it unless you happen to be an olympic sportsman, which lets face it, is about 0.1% of the population. Makes me want to hurl giant spewy chunks!
Your dear Ranter hopes it will all go tits up and that snooty looking tosspot Dai Cameron is left with more egg on his weasly face than a Chinese woman at a bukkake party!
But back to the new year. So what? It could be WORSE than the sewage a lot of us swam through in 20 bastard 11!! Its all very well being all optimistic and chucking a few glances over at the bright side but year after year after year, should teach us that nothing really gets better for the majority. We remain in the same trenches, putting up with the same sh!t day after day. And what with cuts to everything from the NHS to police forces, the battle only gets tougher, not better. You are deluding yourself if you think otherwise. Why as if to back my rant up, as I type this its been announced on the news that we in Britain and Europe are facing the worst economical crisis since WW2 and things will get harder in 2012! Yah those celebrations last night seem pretty flaky now right?
Bloody politicians! promise the world but fail to deliver EVERY F**KING TIME!
Sure I got toasted last night but hey im the SHANTER, its what I do along with RANT! And I do it partly because I can the shyte around us clearly (albeit occasionaly in double vision). I KNOW we are all headed to hell in a Morrisons basket. In fact I half of my hopes that Mayan forecast where we perish in 2012 is right! Happy New Year my penis ring! Get drunk I tell you! Thats the only hope for this world! God Bless!