Live Fast, Die Faster

An article in The Telegraph today boasts that a new jab administered after suffering a heart attack could be a major breakthrough in cutting deaths. Fine, the Ranter has no issue with that. Hell I'll probably need the injection myself one day. It was a comment by a reader underneath the story which caused my sparkly cider to go flat.
It went thus ~ "one way to prevent a heart attack is not to have one in the first place by living sensibly and taking exercise." You can just imagine what he/she is like on a night out. LISTEN UP DRINKERS, THERE IS NO FUN TO BE HAD IN LIVING SENSIBLY !!!!!!! LIVE FAST DIE FASTER, THIS IS MY CREED.


If I Were A Motorbike Id look Like This

I mean seriously, where in Captain Morgan's name do these poodle get off in preaching to everyone, ALL THE F**KING TIME? GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!! These people give me more grief than any four day bender could on both body and soul. Preachy motherf**kers.
See the photo above? THATS ME IF I WERE A TRANSFORMER ROBOT AND COULD TURN MYSELF INTO A VEHICLE. WHAT WOULD THESE WET WEEKENDS CHANGE INTO? PROBABLY A SEWING MACHINE.
I know what calamities lay in store for myself if I keep living as I do but do you know what? IM STILL GONNA DO IT BECAUSE IM WILLING TO PAY THAT PRICE!! Doctors and these poncey 'health gurus' might be able to frighten others into living like monks BUT THE SH!T WON'T WASH WITH ME. I love life, but only on my terms and if that reduces the years FINE. Cheers !!

More Political Corr~Wetness Tripe

I just heard something on the radio that almost SOBERED ME UP! Easter eggs in some places can no longer be called 'Easter Eggs', instead they are to be called 'Spring Spheres.' SPRING F**KING SPHERES!?! WHAT IN THE HOLY NAME OF JOHNNIE WALKER RED HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE SUCH NONSENSE?? THE PEOPLE WHO COME UP WITH THIS PISH ARE ABSOLUTELY MENTAL, THEY MUST BE. MENTAL WITH WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS.
What is so offensive about Easter eggs? Let me guess, offensive to other religions? Am I close? Or has anyone got a problem with eggs now? (This wouldn't suprise me). WHERE WILL IT END? ITS SHEER INSANITY. AND OF COURSE THE PROBLEM WITH INSANITY IS THE ONES WHO SUFFER FROM IT CANNOT SEE THEY ARE MENTAL. (That term is probably offensive now but the RANTER doesn't care).


Evil: An Easter Egg yesterday

Can't these woollybacks SEE where this is going to end? Don't they see the harm its doing? They ought to drink more alcohol because I can see it PRETTY F**KING CLEARLY! Far from bringing folks together, all of this twaddle will PUSH US APART. IT CAUSEES NOT HARMONY BUT CONTMEPT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THE MORE YOU FORCE PEOPLE TO ACCEPT OTHER BELIEFS AND IDEAS, THE MORE YOU ANTAGONISE UNTIL THE FEELINGS YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO NURTURE BREAK AWAY COMPETELY.
By God, we must have fallen on foul, sober times if it comes to this. Can't humanity respect others without the need for these sissies making up crap? EVIDENTLY WE CAN'T. WHAT A F**KING SHAMBLES. BARMAN!

They Breathe Smoke Not Fire

There are annoying apes on this planet. Crusty little tree huggers on a self appointed mission to save Mankind from itself before we nuke it out of existence. Well let me tell you this, I would prefer to be nuked to kingdom come than live in their fairytale, sing song f**king place!
Ban hunting. Stop badger culls. Hugging criminals. Save the moose. Stop people eating what they like just because its different. Turn veggie. Drink less. THE F**KING NONSENSE (AND IT IS NONSENSE) NEVER ENDS!! AND IM BLOODY SICK OF IT! FOR A GROUP WHO CLAIM TO WANT A PEACEFUL WORLD THEY WOULD MAKE PRETTY GOOD TYRANTS. HORRIBLE C***S.


Tin Pot Tyrant? The finger is pointing to YOU

A guy can't drink whisky at 11am and snack on a collie sandwich without one of these nutters (and they are nutters) poking their pug noses in and tutting in foul disapproval. WELL F**K YOU AND THE POODLE YOU RODE IN ON! NOBODY IS LISTENING!
Whats worse is they believe they are better people for thinking this twoddle which proves how bonkers they really are. Makes me want to spit Jagerbombs! Ive heard some vegetarians say they would happily kill meat eaters. KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY EAT MEAT?! YOU NEED HELP PEOPLE! PRONTO! Plebs like this out to be rounded up and shipped off to an island so they could masturbate themselves into obliteration and really make the planet a better place.
Another thing. WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO TRY AND STOP WHAT WE DO IN OUR LIVES? WHAT IF I SAID THAT IM AGAINST ALL SPORT SAVE GOLF AND RUGBY SO ALL THE REST SHOULD BE BANNED? (Like some idiots want done to boxing and horse racing). OR IF I WANT ALL MUSIC SAVE HEAVY METAL BANNED? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? CRY? MOST PROBABLY.
But you needn't worry. Im not that spiteful like those Bastards.