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Mightily Peeved

Does your Ranter look happy in the photograph above? Do you see bluebirds flying around my head and lambs frolicking around my legs? (Okay you can't see my legs but trust me theres no lambs). No, this is my cheesed off look. The sort of look I have when a RANT is brewing.
The reason? Shops and their sunday f**king hours. Yesterday it was a beautful summers day, and being a sunday I decided to hit the shops for some retail therapy as the ladies call it. I needed therapy alright!
WHY THE F**K DON'T SHOPS OPEN BEFORE 11am??! BOTH HMV AND BLOCKBUSTER WERE SHUT UNTIL 11am WHICH LEFT ME FUMBLING AT THEIR DOORS AT 10:30 LIKE A PR!CK WITHOUT A CLUE!
WHY OPEN SO BLOODY LATE? I THOUGHT NOW WE'D RELAXED THE DRINKING HOURS, THE SHOPS WOULD FOLLOW SUIT BUT NO SIREE! IN THIS DAY AND AGE WHERE EVERYTHING ELSE IS TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY, IT SEEMS ALMOST MEDIEVAL THAT A STORE WOULD REMAIN CLOSED UNTIL AFTER 11am. IS EVERYONE IN CHURCH OR SOMETHING? WAKE UP!!

My Ears Shrivelled and Died like a Wasted Mongrel

Damned radio Carmarthenshire and crappy chart music. Id never heard of Cher Lloyd until earlier when they played her 'song'. NEIN! NEIN! MY POOR EARS! ITS JUST 'OH MY DARLING, CLEMENTINE' SUNG BY A TOOL WITH AN ANNOYING VOICE! I DREAD TO THINK WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. ANYTHING LIKE THE AMERICAN CHER? F**K THAT ALMOST SOBERED ME UP. IS THIS WHAT PASSES AS 'MUSIC' THESE DAYS? IM GLAD I ONLY LISTEN TO LOCAL RADIO WHEN IM IN THE RANTERMOBILE. DUW DUW WHAT A LOAD OF BULL TESTICLES.


And earache for all

AND MOST YOUNG 'UNS HAVE NEITHER THE WIT OR WISDOM TO LISTEN TO THE OLD CLASSIC STUFF, SO THEY DON'T REALISE THEY'RE NOT HEARING ANYTHING ORIGINAL, AND ARE SHAKING THEIR SCRAWNY ASSES TO COPY AND PASTE MUSIC. AH WELL THEIR LOSS THE DIZZY MOPES. NURSE! PINT OF ZINFANDEL IF YOU PLEASE.

Interwebz Shyesters

Do you wanna know what really frosts my peanuts? TOSSERS ON EVILBAY WHO PUT AN ITEM UP FOR AUCTION AND INCLUDE A BUY-IT-NOW OPTION, BUT IF THE ITEM GETS WON FOR LESS THAN THEY EXPECTED THEY WITHDRAW THE F**KING SALE!! THE UTTER BASTAGES! ITS NOT HAPPENED TO ME BUT A FEW OF MY RETRO COLLECTING MATES HAVE EXPERIENCED IT AND I FEEL THEIR PAIN.
IF I WERE TO SELL MY JAGERMEISTER INFLATABLE BOTTLE WITH A BUY-IT-NOW PRICE OF £20 BUT ALSO PUT IT AT AUCTION STARTING AT £1, THATS A GAMBLE I TAKE AND SHOULD ANYONE BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO WIN THE BOTTLE FOR A POUND THEN GOOD FOR THEM! I WOULD LET THEM HAVE IT FOR THAT PRICE. I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T THROW ALL MY SHOTS OFF THE BAR IN A POUT AND WITHDRAW THE SALE LIKE A F**KING PONCE!
W@NKERS LIKE THIS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED ON eBAY. A POX ON THEM ALL!

N.B. The Jagermeister bottle isn't for sale as its bloody tidy.