71 Quid ????

On reading an article about "Hilary Devey's Dole Office" shRw I stumbled (drunkenly of course) on this comment: "I would like to see if she could live on benefits its ok making a programme try living on 71 pounds a week."
FIRST OFF, PUNCTUATION! ITS NOT USED FOR FUN OR BECAUSE IN ITS WEIRD WAY IT CAN LOOK FANCY SO BLOODY WELL USE IT!!
SECONDLY, HILARY WORKS FOR A LIVING SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO LIVE ON A PALTRY £71 A WEEK. AND F**K ME, SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES ANYONE DO IT???? MY BOOZE BILL IS ROUGHLY £87 A WEEK SO THE RANTER WOULD BE WITHOUT HIS SHANT ON ANYTHING LESS. *SHIVER* OKAY THATS MADE ME FEEL ILL NOW SO IM OFF TO THE BAR. NURSE!!

Lotto

IM HAPPY FOR THAT COUPLE WHO SCOOPED £148m ON THE EUROMILLION LOTTERY, FAIR PLAY TO YOU GUYS, NOW GET OUT THERE, TRAVEL THE WORLD AND DRINK AND BE F**KING MERRY! BUT DO THE TABLOIDS REALLY HAVE TO WRITE 'STORIES' ABOUT WHAT AIRLINE THEY USE? SO BLOODY MARY WHAT THEY CHOSE A BUDGET COMPANY?? I REALISE ITS HARD FOR YOU TYPES TO UNDERSTAND, WHAT WITH YOUR POXY Z LIST 'CELEBRITY' OBSSESSION, BUT SOME FOLKS WILL NEVER CHANGE, EVEN WITH MEGA MILLIONS IN THE BANK. I KNOW THE RANTER WOULDN'T. IF I WON THE LOTTO TONIGHT ID STILL BE HERE TOMORROW SHANTING WITH THE SAME OLD MAGNER'S CIDER AND RANTING ABOUT THE SAME OLD THINGS THAT GET UP MY GOAT (IF I HAD A GOAT.) IF AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!
AND WHATS EVEN MORE PATHETIC ARE THESE DAFT STORIES TODAY OF THE UNLUCKY GUY WHO STOOD BEHIND THE WINNERS BUYING A LOTTO TICKET, THEREBY MISSING OUT ON WINNING MILLIONS HIMSELF. SO F**KING WHAT???? PEOPLE STANDING BEHIND ME MISS OUT ON JAGERMEISTER OR MAGNERS EVERYDAY BECAUSE YOUR BELOVED RANTER HAS JUST SWOOPED ON THE LAST BOTTLE/CRATE. THIS IS NOT A B@STARD STORY!! I REALISE TWITTER HAS STOLEN YOUR THUNDER AND MADE ACCESS TO THE FAMOUS AND THEIR ANTICS EASIER FOR EVERYONE (ANYONE SAD ENOUGH THAT IS) BUT THESE NON STORIES SMACK OF DESPERATION. EVEN FOR THE MANKY REDTOPS.

The Dandy

So after 75 years, British comic The Dandy is coming to an end, taking with it another bit of my childhood ** NURSE! DROP OF COGNAC IN THE GLASS BIN IF YOU PLEASE ** I've not read it for years and was more of a Beano fan, but I Googled a few of the more recent issues and couldn't believe how different they are. Cartoons featuring f**king toilet bowl 'celebrities' and b@stard company mascots like those f**king meerkat abominations. I HATE those creatures with their stupid chattering!! Its sad whenever such an old 'tradition' dies but from the look of it then its dire need of taking out back and shot. Put the comic out of it's misery. Better this than having a shadow of its former self on the newsagent shelf like a worn out whore who nobody picks anymore.
Cheers Dan, you barrel chested man of appetites! Bet you're a fair bloody shanter too! The Dandy might be dead but ive a feeling we've not seen the last of you boyo!

Legs

A proper London marathon has at last started in old London town consisting of pro athletes and none of those dopes running it dressed as the Queen or a f**king panda. I know they run for charity and they have my respect but please, have two marathons, one for the serious runners and one for Kermit the frog and company.