The Nerve Of Football

Old Goldenballs Beckham has made footie (or 'soccer' as its known over there) more popular than hockey and basketball in the USA, if the papers are to be believed. (And they are usually f**king NOT)! Alas its only when the Americans accept rugby as their favourite sport that they will truly become civilised. Laughs Out Loud.
But where is the RANT you ask? Its coming and it starts with baseball. Naturally.
We scoff at baseball in the UK. In fact we laugh at most American sports but its baseball which gets the brunt of our scorn. We look at it and say, "baseball. That is bollix that is! Why its nothing short of the rounders we played in school! Good old rounders! What!" *Snorts* Then we dissolve into the superiority of cricket.
BUT WHERE THE HOT DIGGITY DIG DID WE GET OUR SILLY BLOODY GIBS FROM? I FIND IT F**KING ASTOUNDING THAT A COUNTRY WHO IS OBSSESSED WITH FOOTBALL CAN FIND IT IN THEMSELVES TO MOCK SPORTS FROM ACROSS THE POND! FOOTBALL IS FILLED TO ITS LEATHER BALLS WITH SPOILT IDIOT PLAYERS. ALCOHOLICS AND WIFE BEATERS, WHO IF IT WASN'T FOR THEIR ABILITY TO PUNT A BALL UP THE PITCH WOULD BE SIGNING ON AT THE DOLE OFFICE!
FOOTBALL. A SPORT WHERE THE WALKING MESS THAT IS PAUL 'GAZZA' GASCOIGNE IS CONSIDERED A 'GREAT'! HAR DI F**KING HA HA! THAT KINDA SAYS IT ALL REALLY! NURSE, A BOURBON AND HOLD THE SOUR. IM SOUR ENOUGH.


The only time the Ranter enjoys football

Talk Rubbish

I used to like Talk Radio before it became the ghastly Talk Sport. It had good presenters and offered up a tidy range of subject where callers would be encouraged to join in on debates. I hardly turned the station off. During work or play, Talk Radio was always on.
Since changing to Talk Sport however (and it really ought to be Talk Football as they hardly cover other sports), it has gone right down the craphole. Radio to make you want to vomit too. A drab, soulless affair, hosted by backslapping, oafish blokes who have about as much class as a skip full of Bacardi Breezers.
The worst pair are on sometime in the afternoon and are as entertaining as mud. So rubbish are they that I forget their names but I wouldn't sour this page and mention them even if I did. They have faces you want to punch too: one looks like a thick horse and the other has the face of weasel crossed with a field mouse.
I had the misfortune to catch a bit of their sh!tty show a couple of days ago due to the radio oddly being unable to pick up my usual stations (Radio Wales and WBAP Texas). During part of their show they were talking about a newspaper columnist who had written that some football player was a waster because of some reason or another. (I wasn't really paying attention as warts are more fun than football). Anyway this pair of prats decided to turn on the writer and say something along the lines of, "this footballer is worth £110,000, he has medals and a journalist calls him a waster! I mean who is the real waster?"
EXCUSE THE F**K ME, BUT WHAT GIVES THESE TWO TUURDS THE RIGHT TO IMPLY SOMEONE IS A WASTER SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WROTE HIS OPINION IN A NEWSPAPER? CRETINS! THE HUMBLE HACK HAS MORE INTERGRITY IN HIS THUMB THAN ANY FOOTBALLER AND I KNOW WHO I WOULD RATHER GET SHANTED UP WITH! UNBELIEVABLE! AND THIS COMING FROM A PAIR WHO THINK THEMSELVES 'COMEDIANS', WHICH IS A JOKE IN ITSELF BECAUSE THEY HAVE ABOUT AS MUCH HUMOUR AS TERMINAL CANCER! AND NOT FORGETTING THEY WORK FOR AN UTTERLY SEXIST RADIO STATION. THE DAILY SPORT OF RADIO! A POX ON THEM BOTH! NURSE! FIRST AID IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND!

Jailbirds Want More Sky

Today its been reported that prisoners are upset because they are only able to recieve one Sky Sports channel in their suites...sorry cells. So miffed are they that the have lodged a formal complaint. The baztards.
WHAT THE F**K HAS THIS COUNTRY COME TO SAY? SPANK MY GIN SOAKED ASS WITH A SOGGY KIPPER! WE HAVE BECOME A NATION OF PANSIES, AFRAID TO DISH OUT SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED PUNISHMENTS! IT MAKES MY BLOODY CIDER GO FLAT I DONT MIND TELLING YOU!
WHY THE HELL SHOULD PRISONERS GET SATELITE TELEVISION? THEY ARE IN THE CLINK FOR DOING WRONG FFS, NOT TO BE MOLLY CODDLED! YOU ARE NOT ON A FRICKEN' CRUISE YOU CRETINS, YOU ARE IN JAIL, J.A.I.L. ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A COMFORTABLE SUITE! AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAAAAP ABOUT 'THEIR PUNISHMENT IS LOSS OF LIBERTY, NOTHING MORE' BECAUSE IVE HAD A BELLY FULL OF IT! F**KING BLEEDING HEART T!TS!


A jail treadmill before the days of luxuries

A LOT OF HARD WORKING FOLK WHO HAVE DONE NO WRONG CAN'T AFFORD SATELITE TV, SO WHY IN THE NAME OF FELINFOEL ALE ARE WE GIVING IT FREE TO THE DREGS OF SOCIETY? PEOPLE WHO ABIDE BY THE LAWS OF THE LAND AND PUT IN AN HONEST DAYS GRAFT ARE GETTING IT WORSE THAN LAWBREAKERS. THIS IS NOT RIGHT AND BRITAIN NEEDS SOMEONE WITH A SPINE TO SORT IT OUT PRONTO! LOOK AT SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO OVER IN ARIZONA FOR EXAMPLE. HE'S JUST WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS. A GOOD KICK UP UP THE CHUFF.
HERE IS A THOUGHT: IF WE GIVE PRISONERS ALL OF THESE COMFORTS TO TAKE THEIR MINDS OF THE SENTENCE THEY ARE SERVING, IT ONLY ALLOWS THEM TO FORGET THEIR CRIMES! AND THERE CAN BE NO REMORSE FROM SOMEBODY WHO HAS HAD IT EASY IN JAIL WATCHING THEIR FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM WHILE IGNORING THE REFLECTING ON THEIR BAD BEHAVIOUR BIT! AND THATS F**KING NONSENSE!
RADIO, NEWSPAPERS AND BOOKS SHOULD BE QUITE ENOUGH FOR THOSE IN JAIL. OBVIOUSLY IF WE TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY AND LET THEM ROT WITHIN FOUR WALLS WE WILL BE RELEASING DANGEROUS LUNATICS ONTO OUR STREETS AND NOBODY WANTS THAT. BUT ALL OF THIS PANDERING TO EVERY WHIM IS RIDICULOUS AND ALL ITS DOING IS TEACHING THEM HOW TO FURTHER TAKE ADVANTAGE. IT ALSO GIVES INMATES THE UPPER HAND. THEY DEMAND, WE KEEP GIVING IN. AND IT MUST BLOODY WELL STOP THIS INSTANT!